hey, how've you been? i know that it's been awhile. i'm sorry.
there's a lot going on right now for me, but i should update on how i am. for one thing, this upcoming week is the last week before finals. yes, the fall 2010 semester is almost over. i can't wait. this was the hardest semester out of the three i've gone through. even though it was the same number of units i took last fall, it was a lot more difficult because all the things that has happened these past few months. but nonetheless, i'm ready and pumped for spring semester.
i'm taking 14 units, the most i've ever taken since college started, but i'll be focused a lot more. no distractions whatsoever. in other words, i'm taking most of my classes alone. it's very beneficial, so that i don't have the temptation to talk to anyone. all i'll be doing in class will be to focus on the professor. the only classes i have together with people is aas33b, with michelle and a new friend of mine jayne. (funny how i met jayne actually. she's really popular on youtube now because her and her friends covered "erase me." i met her over youtube and facebook, and we ended up enrolling in the same class for spring.) pretty cool.
i start most of my week later in the day too. at 1045 to be exact. :) except on wednesdays, because i have a lab at 730. not looking forward to that, but it's a good thing it's only one day. and i also have a friday class from 12-1. guess it's a good thing. i can practice driving to campus, since hardly anyone is at school on fridays.
that's enough about school. let's talk about other things. even though i've gone through a lot of different problems, i'll talk about the good things that's happened.
after maboohay in october, i was honored to become friends with a few people i've looked up to for so long. the main person that i'm grateful for becoming friends with is none other than melissa polinar. yes, THE melissa polinar. how did i meet her? well, i first met her at the maboohay meet and greet. i didn't have much time to talk to her, but it was after maboohay where we started talking more. as with the maboohay concerts i go to, i took a lot of pictures of the event. you know, just to hone my photography skills. i posted them up on facebook, and tagged a few of the performers that i had as a friend, and one of them was melissa. i wasn't expecting anything, because what famous youtube singer/performer would notice a nobody's photography? i take their pictures out of the kindness of my heart. well, i was completely wrong about no one noticing. a day after maboohay, i get 3 notifications...all from one person: melissa polinar. she "liked" a particular picture, then used it as her profile picture for her personal facebook and singer facebook. i thanked her so many times, and to this day, i still don't think it's enough. why? because it was that picture that opened me up to so many opportunities.
a few weeks later, i get an email from christina luna (the luna co). she runs one of the most successful managements for asian-american artists, such as gabe bondoc, melissa polinar, and such. she personally thanked me for the pictures that i took of melissa. (i forgot to mention that melissa asked me to send her the raw files of those pictures for her to use. the most well-known thing that those pictures were used for was for melissa's kickstarter video.) they'll also be using them for any other thing that they need it for, and personally credit me for taking it.
this is just a tidbit of the amazing-ness that happened to me, and it raised my spirits so much. i gotta give thanks for melissa and the luna co. they were the kick start to more success. i also have to thank them for reviving my love for photography once again. i wasn't able to touch my camera until that day of maboohay, but now i use it as much as i did when i first started taking pictures.
till next time again.
soul4soulcv.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
"lord in this worship dwells my peace, for in your presence my heart can rest..."
i've come to realize that i've been a dark place for awhile. i know that i don't show it, since i'm really good at masking my real emotions. but yes, i'm pretty unstable right now with what's going on around me. school has been kicking me in the butt. only 2 more months till the end of the semester, and my grades are not where i want them to be. i've been so distracted lately too. it's hard for me to study or do homework when i have it. it's hard for me to pay attention during class. it's been hard for me to have patience. i've never had these problems before, so why do i have it now? not only do i have school to worry about, there are other problems i'm going through...life problems.
i hate seeing people cry. i hate seeing people upset and about to lose hope, especially when it comes to show that the people who are going through are the ones who are the closest.
it also hard for me to say, but i hate the fact that one of my most favorite memories...is only just a memory that'll never happen again, because recalling it is just too painful to think of.
today's worship service made me think of these things.
during worship service, i prayed and meditated, as i do every worship service before performing. i prayed so hard that the problems that i'm having with school, i would be able to endure and get through it. i've never prayed so hard for school before. during the hymn singing, i cried in almost every hymn. there were tears rolling down my face, and every time i tried to wipe it away, they just kept coming. especially during 116.
then the lesson about worship service inspired me. what made it a little more special was the fact that my friend's uncle was the minister. his way of preaching made me understand the lesson a lot more. as many ministers would say if they were to teach this lesson, he said that "you think your problems are impossible? NOTHING is impossible with God...he's just waiting for you to call on him to ask for his help." even though the stuff going on in the world brings you down, you just have to remember that turning away from God won't solve your problems. blaming God for your problems isn't the answer. you have to be strong. if you're faced with a problem for a long time, examine yourself, then turn to God. that's what the lesson was basically about. it helped me realize that the problems i'm facing aren't impossible. just turn to God, and he'll help.
seeing family suffer just breaks my heart so much. i'm not gonna go into detail about this, since it's not my business to talk about. i just don't like seeing them upset. and the fact that they're trying to make things seem normal again makes it worse. they make things overly positive and then afterwards start moping around.
another thing about this evening is that i realized that people are growing up. this evening, i had the chance to catch up a little bit with a friend of mine who i haven't talked to in awhile. i've known her since she was 7 (i was 10). she's currently a senior in high school, getting ready for college. she was telling me that she's applying to a few CSU's and she's stressing out over it. it's not a big surprise. what surprised me is that she has a maintained 4.00 (probably higher) GPA...and she didn't tell me this, i already knew about it actually, but she has a job. AND she's in the choir.
this girl is amazing. when we were younger, she looked up to me as a person. now, I'M the one looking up to her. i don't even know anymore, i'm just amazed at her right now. i've known this girl for 10 years...where has the time gone? she's already going to college? you know what? she's growing up, and i couldn't be more proud of her.
although with all this positive vibes from this person, you wouldn't have thought it would hurt me...
back when i was in the 8th grade, we (me and my friend i just talked about) were in this group of 10 people. we were so close knit during that time...we did everything together. they were the one's who i looked forward to seeing every weekend.
but then that group started to break apart. eventually, that group ceased to exist. hardly ever spoke to each other, all we got were "hi's." then i think of this other person in that group of 10, who i looked up to at the time. she was heading to the top. we were the same age, about to tackle the world...then she moved. few years later, she married and has a daughter. there's also other stuff, but no need to explain that. just know that i was extremely upset at her actions she chose. i'm still a little upset at the moment, even though it's been awhile since i heard of this news.
seeing my friend tonight, the memories of that group of 10 flowed back to my memory. i recalled all those happy times we had together...then i thought of that friend i looked up to. i cried silently because i remembered she wasn't the same girl from that time. her actions ruined my perspective of her. i try to block her actions like i never heard about it, but it just doesn't work. now, one of my memories that i've held so close to me for so long...it's practically gone. all because of the actions of one.
this entry was all over the place...but it really doesn't matter.
the main point is that i've did a lot of thinking tonight. thinking, crying, contemplating, meditating...just to get some enlightenment. the lesson we had this evening helped me out A LOT. i really needed it. i'm going through a lot right now, and people don't see it. they don't need to see it. but all those problems i'm going through right now, even though most of them aren't mine, i know for a fact that i can turn to God and ask for his guidance. and he'll be able to help me. and i also know and have been reminded that being in the worship service gives me the peace from all those problems. when i'm there, the problems disappear one by one. it's like it doesn't matter anymore when i'm there...because i know that God's there. he's saying that, "it's ok...i'm here for you," when you feel like you're alone facing those problems.
here's to an evening of enlightenment and important reminders.
...I know that I can face my darkest moments,
For even in my sorrow I am blessed...
LORD how I wait upon this day,
That I may worship before your sight.
I feel my worries fade within your mercy,
As I draw ever closer to your side.
i hate seeing people cry. i hate seeing people upset and about to lose hope, especially when it comes to show that the people who are going through are the ones who are the closest.
it also hard for me to say, but i hate the fact that one of my most favorite memories...is only just a memory that'll never happen again, because recalling it is just too painful to think of.
today's worship service made me think of these things.
during worship service, i prayed and meditated, as i do every worship service before performing. i prayed so hard that the problems that i'm having with school, i would be able to endure and get through it. i've never prayed so hard for school before. during the hymn singing, i cried in almost every hymn. there were tears rolling down my face, and every time i tried to wipe it away, they just kept coming. especially during 116.
then the lesson about worship service inspired me. what made it a little more special was the fact that my friend's uncle was the minister. his way of preaching made me understand the lesson a lot more. as many ministers would say if they were to teach this lesson, he said that "you think your problems are impossible? NOTHING is impossible with God...he's just waiting for you to call on him to ask for his help." even though the stuff going on in the world brings you down, you just have to remember that turning away from God won't solve your problems. blaming God for your problems isn't the answer. you have to be strong. if you're faced with a problem for a long time, examine yourself, then turn to God. that's what the lesson was basically about. it helped me realize that the problems i'm facing aren't impossible. just turn to God, and he'll help.
seeing family suffer just breaks my heart so much. i'm not gonna go into detail about this, since it's not my business to talk about. i just don't like seeing them upset. and the fact that they're trying to make things seem normal again makes it worse. they make things overly positive and then afterwards start moping around.
another thing about this evening is that i realized that people are growing up. this evening, i had the chance to catch up a little bit with a friend of mine who i haven't talked to in awhile. i've known her since she was 7 (i was 10). she's currently a senior in high school, getting ready for college. she was telling me that she's applying to a few CSU's and she's stressing out over it. it's not a big surprise. what surprised me is that she has a maintained 4.00 (probably higher) GPA...and she didn't tell me this, i already knew about it actually, but she has a job. AND she's in the choir.
this girl is amazing. when we were younger, she looked up to me as a person. now, I'M the one looking up to her. i don't even know anymore, i'm just amazed at her right now. i've known this girl for 10 years...where has the time gone? she's already going to college? you know what? she's growing up, and i couldn't be more proud of her.
although with all this positive vibes from this person, you wouldn't have thought it would hurt me...
back when i was in the 8th grade, we (me and my friend i just talked about) were in this group of 10 people. we were so close knit during that time...we did everything together. they were the one's who i looked forward to seeing every weekend.
but then that group started to break apart. eventually, that group ceased to exist. hardly ever spoke to each other, all we got were "hi's." then i think of this other person in that group of 10, who i looked up to at the time. she was heading to the top. we were the same age, about to tackle the world...then she moved. few years later, she married and has a daughter. there's also other stuff, but no need to explain that. just know that i was extremely upset at her actions she chose. i'm still a little upset at the moment, even though it's been awhile since i heard of this news.
seeing my friend tonight, the memories of that group of 10 flowed back to my memory. i recalled all those happy times we had together...then i thought of that friend i looked up to. i cried silently because i remembered she wasn't the same girl from that time. her actions ruined my perspective of her. i try to block her actions like i never heard about it, but it just doesn't work. now, one of my memories that i've held so close to me for so long...it's practically gone. all because of the actions of one.
this entry was all over the place...but it really doesn't matter.
the main point is that i've did a lot of thinking tonight. thinking, crying, contemplating, meditating...just to get some enlightenment. the lesson we had this evening helped me out A LOT. i really needed it. i'm going through a lot right now, and people don't see it. they don't need to see it. but all those problems i'm going through right now, even though most of them aren't mine, i know for a fact that i can turn to God and ask for his guidance. and he'll be able to help me. and i also know and have been reminded that being in the worship service gives me the peace from all those problems. when i'm there, the problems disappear one by one. it's like it doesn't matter anymore when i'm there...because i know that God's there. he's saying that, "it's ok...i'm here for you," when you feel like you're alone facing those problems.
here's to an evening of enlightenment and important reminders.
...I know that I can face my darkest moments,
For even in my sorrow I am blessed...
LORD how I wait upon this day,
That I may worship before your sight.
I feel my worries fade within your mercy,
As I draw ever closer to your side.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
"there's always three sides to a story-yours, theirs, and your judgment..."
short, sweet blog for tonight. i've thought a lot lately about if i were to choose a side in a situation. what contributed to that would be what happened yesterday amongst some, if not all, fil-am musicians.
i'm not choosing a side...i'm never going to choose a side because i believe that what's happening is just bollocks. also, i don't know the full story on what happened, so i can't judge.
but if i WERE to side with someone, i would have to back up the one who chose to be the bigger person, and not would not have even thought of bringing up the situation in front of the public's eyes. it's pretty immature to call out someone in public and make a huge spectacle of you and the person...yet alone, start cussing at them like there's no tomorrow. also with the cussing, is there no other words in the english language to use instead of those words? it doesn't emphasize anything. it only shows that you'd rather be cussing a person out, trying to make that person feel sorry, and hope they break down somehow.
also, if i were to side with someone, it would most especially be the one that had the most honest story. so far, i've heard one side...the side of negativity amongst one person...i haven't heard anything from the affirmative action. i won't be able to judge unless i hear that side, but i guess it's for the better not to hear it. this drama has gone far enough, and it's only been a day. i do hope whatever happened, it'll find its way of them forgiving and forgetting. it's hard seeing these people that i've looked up to for so long fighting like this.
soul4soulcv.
i'm not choosing a side...i'm never going to choose a side because i believe that what's happening is just bollocks. also, i don't know the full story on what happened, so i can't judge.
but if i WERE to side with someone, i would have to back up the one who chose to be the bigger person, and not would not have even thought of bringing up the situation in front of the public's eyes. it's pretty immature to call out someone in public and make a huge spectacle of you and the person...yet alone, start cussing at them like there's no tomorrow. also with the cussing, is there no other words in the english language to use instead of those words? it doesn't emphasize anything. it only shows that you'd rather be cussing a person out, trying to make that person feel sorry, and hope they break down somehow.
also, if i were to side with someone, it would most especially be the one that had the most honest story. so far, i've heard one side...the side of negativity amongst one person...i haven't heard anything from the affirmative action. i won't be able to judge unless i hear that side, but i guess it's for the better not to hear it. this drama has gone far enough, and it's only been a day. i do hope whatever happened, it'll find its way of them forgiving and forgetting. it's hard seeing these people that i've looked up to for so long fighting like this.
soul4soulcv.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
one moment.
isn't it crazy how one small thing can change an entire day? i find it crazy. you can be having the time of your life, and then something happens. such a killjoy right?
i'm not one to suffer from stress attacks or nervous breakdowns often. today, i did.
every week, i have a chemistry quiz. right now, we're doing organic chemistry...with all the nomenclature and stuff. if you've done o. chem, you know that it's relatively simple. you just need to know the rules. but when it comes to the reactions and addition/substitution of whatever, then it starts to get complicated. that's where i'm at. what sucks the most? i missed half an hour of a the lecture that was talking about this part. why? because my stupid lab instructor takes forever and a day in explaining. he's only suppose to be there to answer questions and to be there to supervise the experiments going on. it seems that this lab instructor that i have has got it backwards. he goes on explaining every single detail...and it doesn't help.
that's why i got a stress attack in studying for this in the last hour...because i'm afraid that it's gonna be on the quiz and i'll have no idea what's going on. if i don't understand what's going on, even for one small thing, i choke. i'll forget everything.
but it seems that this stress attack that i had actually helped me out. it put me in the zone, and helped me focus on the material. i took a good look at my notes i took, and thank goodness for google, i was able to understand the general concept of what was going on in the parts of the lecture i missed.
i don't know if it's only me that this happens to. i'm pretty grateful for that stress attack. knocked me into focus mode. hopefully, this quiz will be easy. i heard it was...
soul4soulcv.
i'm not one to suffer from stress attacks or nervous breakdowns often. today, i did.
every week, i have a chemistry quiz. right now, we're doing organic chemistry...with all the nomenclature and stuff. if you've done o. chem, you know that it's relatively simple. you just need to know the rules. but when it comes to the reactions and addition/substitution of whatever, then it starts to get complicated. that's where i'm at. what sucks the most? i missed half an hour of a the lecture that was talking about this part. why? because my stupid lab instructor takes forever and a day in explaining. he's only suppose to be there to answer questions and to be there to supervise the experiments going on. it seems that this lab instructor that i have has got it backwards. he goes on explaining every single detail...and it doesn't help.
that's why i got a stress attack in studying for this in the last hour...because i'm afraid that it's gonna be on the quiz and i'll have no idea what's going on. if i don't understand what's going on, even for one small thing, i choke. i'll forget everything.
but it seems that this stress attack that i had actually helped me out. it put me in the zone, and helped me focus on the material. i took a good look at my notes i took, and thank goodness for google, i was able to understand the general concept of what was going on in the parts of the lecture i missed.
i don't know if it's only me that this happens to. i'm pretty grateful for that stress attack. knocked me into focus mode. hopefully, this quiz will be easy. i heard it was...
soul4soulcv.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
"Those are all people who can't really sing, don't wear very many clothes, and get married far too young. What do we call those sorts of people?"
"..AMERICANS!!" lol
here's some updating on my random bits of my life as of right now. i've been writing about random thoughts, and i thought i'd might as well write about something that i'm interested in as of now. i get into trying/watching new things a lot. it's fun.
well, right before summer ended, i got interested in a television show called, "Skins." actually, i think i've been interested in it even long before watching the episodes. tumblr kinda contributed it to that. i've seen so many different pictures, gifs, etc. of the casts...also, i heard about this series in a book i was reading. it was one of the Pretty Little Liars books. i forget which one...but it referenced the 3rd season. so i thought i might as well watch a few episodes and see what's up with this series.
i'll tell you though, after the third episode, i was hooked. it was so different from what i'm used to watching. i watch a lot of Disney and Nickelodeon, so watching Skins was like i got hit with a huge dose of endorphins.
if you know the series...actually, you DON'T know the series. you're a blog of my thoughts up till whenever i stopped writing. so i'll tell you about it. how i would describe this series...it's like the show Degrassi, but not held back.
what do i mean by "not held back?" exactly as i stated. i'll tell you why i got hooked after the third episode, instead of the first though. the reason why is because i was so overwhelmed at the fact that nothing was held back. when there was profanity in the dialogue, the characters went all out and cussed out a storm. when there was a moment of intimacy, there's intimacy...skin, sound, and all. NOTHING was held back. they went all out. i give my props to Eisley (creator of the series.)
since i was so overwhelmed with what the characters did on the show, it took me a long time to finish the 1st season. after the first season, i was ok. i zoomed through the 2nd-4th season...and i finished the 4th season this morning. now, i'm just waiting for the 5th season to air. although, i'm not looking forward to the American adaptation of Skins. why? you'll see...
the fact that nothing was held back in this series is what made me come to question: why is it that UK television is so different from US television? c'mon, right now on US television, we have Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Pretty Little Liars, etc. when it comes to dramas. but haven't you noticed when you watch any of the episodes of these series, it seems like there's something missing? for me, it does...it REALLY does. it's like...you're left with wanting a lot more than what the show is giving you. when you see two characters kiss, you want to see more of what their doing.
here's an example: (DISCLAIMER: chillax when i make this reference.)
on Pretty Little Liars, there are two characters: Emily and Maya. Emily, as of right now, is pretty much questioning who she is, what she is...Maya is someone who is facilitating Emily to come to terms to who she is. it's kinda obvious who Emily becomes at this point. anyways, there was this scene in the episode called, "Keep Your Friends Close," where Emily and Maya go on a date. a few scenes later, they're seen making out.
friendly and it's what you wanted to see...but that scene is lightweight stuff, when i compare it to Skins.
like Pretty Little Liars, there are two characters involved. the storyline is much like Pretty Little Liars as well. The characters involved in this comparison are Emily and Naomi. (i think the name 'Emily' was coincidental...)
anyways, unlike Emily in Pretty Little Liars, Emily in Skins KNOWS who she is. she hid it for awhile because of her twin sister's feelings against Naomi. Naomi is the one Emily "fancies." although the back story says that it was Naomi that started things off, it was very much Emily who started it. Naomi was the one who was trying to come to terms of who she is. well, i'll reference another scene much like the one in Pretty Little Liars. in season 3, episode 6 titled, "Naomi," Emily and Naomi...what's the phrase i learned to use...oh, "had a moment" together. unlike the scene in Pretty Little Liars, it was a lot more intense. these two went all out...down to every single detail. i was in shock...but in a good way. i'm open to new ideas, so it was different...who cares. it's a tv show, yeah?
well, you get the picture i'm trying to paint here. there's so many differences between UK television and US television...it's so hard to name them all. even though the US came from the UK, you would think that something as little as television would be the same. not even close.
in my opinion, i would turn to UK television once in awhile. it won't change my views on US television. i still enjoy my iCarly, Victorious, and Phineas and Ferb. but currently, i'm pretty hooked on Skins, so i probably won't be watching US television for awhile...maybe a few days. or until GLEE or Pretty Little Liars starts up again.
that's all for now. good night.
soul4soulcv.
here's some updating on my random bits of my life as of right now. i've been writing about random thoughts, and i thought i'd might as well write about something that i'm interested in as of now. i get into trying/watching new things a lot. it's fun.
well, right before summer ended, i got interested in a television show called, "Skins." actually, i think i've been interested in it even long before watching the episodes. tumblr kinda contributed it to that. i've seen so many different pictures, gifs, etc. of the casts...also, i heard about this series in a book i was reading. it was one of the Pretty Little Liars books. i forget which one...but it referenced the 3rd season. so i thought i might as well watch a few episodes and see what's up with this series.
i'll tell you though, after the third episode, i was hooked. it was so different from what i'm used to watching. i watch a lot of Disney and Nickelodeon, so watching Skins was like i got hit with a huge dose of endorphins.
if you know the series...actually, you DON'T know the series. you're a blog of my thoughts up till whenever i stopped writing. so i'll tell you about it. how i would describe this series...it's like the show Degrassi, but not held back.
what do i mean by "not held back?" exactly as i stated. i'll tell you why i got hooked after the third episode, instead of the first though. the reason why is because i was so overwhelmed at the fact that nothing was held back. when there was profanity in the dialogue, the characters went all out and cussed out a storm. when there was a moment of intimacy, there's intimacy...skin, sound, and all. NOTHING was held back. they went all out. i give my props to Eisley (creator of the series.)
since i was so overwhelmed with what the characters did on the show, it took me a long time to finish the 1st season. after the first season, i was ok. i zoomed through the 2nd-4th season...and i finished the 4th season this morning. now, i'm just waiting for the 5th season to air. although, i'm not looking forward to the American adaptation of Skins. why? you'll see...
the fact that nothing was held back in this series is what made me come to question: why is it that UK television is so different from US television? c'mon, right now on US television, we have Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill, Pretty Little Liars, etc. when it comes to dramas. but haven't you noticed when you watch any of the episodes of these series, it seems like there's something missing? for me, it does...it REALLY does. it's like...you're left with wanting a lot more than what the show is giving you. when you see two characters kiss, you want to see more of what their doing.
here's an example: (DISCLAIMER: chillax when i make this reference.)
on Pretty Little Liars, there are two characters: Emily and Maya. Emily, as of right now, is pretty much questioning who she is, what she is...Maya is someone who is facilitating Emily to come to terms to who she is. it's kinda obvious who Emily becomes at this point. anyways, there was this scene in the episode called, "Keep Your Friends Close," where Emily and Maya go on a date. a few scenes later, they're seen making out.
friendly and it's what you wanted to see...but that scene is lightweight stuff, when i compare it to Skins.
like Pretty Little Liars, there are two characters involved. the storyline is much like Pretty Little Liars as well. The characters involved in this comparison are Emily and Naomi. (i think the name 'Emily' was coincidental...)
anyways, unlike Emily in Pretty Little Liars, Emily in Skins KNOWS who she is. she hid it for awhile because of her twin sister's feelings against Naomi. Naomi is the one Emily "fancies." although the back story says that it was Naomi that started things off, it was very much Emily who started it. Naomi was the one who was trying to come to terms of who she is. well, i'll reference another scene much like the one in Pretty Little Liars. in season 3, episode 6 titled, "Naomi," Emily and Naomi...what's the phrase i learned to use...oh, "had a moment" together. unlike the scene in Pretty Little Liars, it was a lot more intense. these two went all out...down to every single detail. i was in shock...but in a good way. i'm open to new ideas, so it was different...who cares. it's a tv show, yeah?
well, you get the picture i'm trying to paint here. there's so many differences between UK television and US television...it's so hard to name them all. even though the US came from the UK, you would think that something as little as television would be the same. not even close.
in my opinion, i would turn to UK television once in awhile. it won't change my views on US television. i still enjoy my iCarly, Victorious, and Phineas and Ferb. but currently, i'm pretty hooked on Skins, so i probably won't be watching US television for awhile...maybe a few days. or until GLEE or Pretty Little Liars starts up again.
that's all for now. good night.
soul4soulcv.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
it runs in the family.
it's been awhile since i've written on this. usually, i'd be typing this up on my phone before sleeping, since that's where i get my last minute inspiration. anyways, i started my second year of college last wednesday. so far, i'm liking it. for one thing, no more english and math to worry about. my classes right now are basically just a class where i take notes and read. it's not much, but i'm not gonna judge the workload i'll be getting based on the first day. i've been reading a lot so far with the "homework" i've gotten. the readings are pretty long, especially for one particular class. but i actually enjoyed reading it and have taken interest.
we always hear the saying, "it runs in the family." this saying is applied to almost everything we do. everything we do, probably someone in our family in the past has done it as well. is that why we do things? is that why we act the way we act? because of our lineage?
so that class that i've taken interest in is philosophy 10, or intro to philosophy. i'll be honest, the only reason why i took this class for this semester was to fill my units up. the class itself on the first day was a bit dull, especially the fact that the teacher mumbled her words. i thought, "great. it's one of THESE teachers." when i got home that afternoon, i started reading the textbook we had to get for the class. i was really intrigued with the way the textbook was worded. it was like the book was speaking to me. for sure, it wasn't like the 3rd person type of textbook we're all used to. seriously, it's one of the most interesting things i've ever read. the subject of philosophy itself is all about questioning people's thoughts and for you to be open to new ideas. maybe that's why i liked what i've read so far. because throughout the book, it was questioning the previous points that were mentioned...
i question about things a lot, especially lately. i question myself what, when, why, how...it's because of the questioning that helps me write a lot easier.
why did i bring up the subject of family and philosophy? i had a grandparent that i hardly saw. i probably saw him twice in my lifetime. actually, i don't even know if i'm actually related to him. you know, filipino families and all that. we call everyone our relatives...anyways, even though i hardly ever saw him, i heard a lot of stories about him. for one thing, i was told that he graduated as a lawyer. he also majored in, you guessed it, philosophy. i wonder, is that why i'm interested in this subject? i'll never know. but i find it interesting that out of all the classes that i could have taken for this semester, i took this one. i had other GE classes to choose from, and i settled for a subject that i pretty much chose blindly...
well, like i said, who knows. maybe it's trying to tell me something.
i'm looking forward to the first lecture for this class. hopefully, it'll be easy...and the teacher will break down all the ideas that each philosopher possessed. i'm not saying that i want an easy way to learn this, but it would be nice to know if the way that i'm comprehending the book is the correct way.
soul4soulcv.
we always hear the saying, "it runs in the family." this saying is applied to almost everything we do. everything we do, probably someone in our family in the past has done it as well. is that why we do things? is that why we act the way we act? because of our lineage?
so that class that i've taken interest in is philosophy 10, or intro to philosophy. i'll be honest, the only reason why i took this class for this semester was to fill my units up. the class itself on the first day was a bit dull, especially the fact that the teacher mumbled her words. i thought, "great. it's one of THESE teachers." when i got home that afternoon, i started reading the textbook we had to get for the class. i was really intrigued with the way the textbook was worded. it was like the book was speaking to me. for sure, it wasn't like the 3rd person type of textbook we're all used to. seriously, it's one of the most interesting things i've ever read. the subject of philosophy itself is all about questioning people's thoughts and for you to be open to new ideas. maybe that's why i liked what i've read so far. because throughout the book, it was questioning the previous points that were mentioned...
i question about things a lot, especially lately. i question myself what, when, why, how...it's because of the questioning that helps me write a lot easier.
why did i bring up the subject of family and philosophy? i had a grandparent that i hardly saw. i probably saw him twice in my lifetime. actually, i don't even know if i'm actually related to him. you know, filipino families and all that. we call everyone our relatives...anyways, even though i hardly ever saw him, i heard a lot of stories about him. for one thing, i was told that he graduated as a lawyer. he also majored in, you guessed it, philosophy. i wonder, is that why i'm interested in this subject? i'll never know. but i find it interesting that out of all the classes that i could have taken for this semester, i took this one. i had other GE classes to choose from, and i settled for a subject that i pretty much chose blindly...
well, like i said, who knows. maybe it's trying to tell me something.
i'm looking forward to the first lecture for this class. hopefully, it'll be easy...and the teacher will break down all the ideas that each philosopher possessed. i'm not saying that i want an easy way to learn this, but it would be nice to know if the way that i'm comprehending the book is the correct way.
soul4soulcv.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
No day, but today.
Ever since I can remember, I've been madly in love with stage production. Working backstage, performing onstage, watching it all come together...it's seriously a rush! It started when I was about 6 years old. For almost a year, I attended and watched practices for an original stage production that my church had called, "30 Years In the West." I was in so much awe. These people, these brethren, they put countless hours into practicing their numbers. They spent even more hours off practice and recorded their vocals for the musical numbers...and not to mention, they weren't professional actors or singers. They did it for the fun. I remember the first musical number that brought me to tears...it was from tha very production. The emotion on the actors' faces, the deep lyrics, their everything...it made me very emotional. A few years after that happened, my mom forced me to join yet another church production. It wasn't an original, but it was a classic. We did our interpretation of "Joseph and the Amazong Technicolor Dreamcoat." that experience was far from just watching. This production took us almost 2 years of practicing an perfecting. I spent every weekend at rehearsals, and sometimes the weekdays too. It was a lot for a little me to handle. But all that practice was so worth it. For when the days finally came for opening night, the audience was in awe. All that work paid off in the end. I'll never forget that thrill. I haven't had that thrill in awhile, because we haven't had a major production since then...but seriously, that's where my love for stage production started. It made me appreciate how much hard work can pay off in the long run.
There's one particular stage production that I want to talk about. It's not a Disney one, but rather...it's a musical about making it in life. It's about...even though you may not be the richest person, or the most perfect person in the world...ad long as you have your friends around you, you CAN make it. (something along the lines of that.) the musical that I'm, somehow, trying to talk about...and I love dearly is none other than RENT. This musical, this stage production has so much history behind it. I myself, didn't find out about this musical until my auntie told me about it. Like I wrote on tumblr, I'm happy she did. It was something about this musical that stuck. The first time I watched it (the movie version), I was...confused. This was back in 06. I didn't understand the essence of it at all. I said to myself, "umm...so, these people are pretty much bankrupt and their singing about it?" but even though I said this, I watched it again and again...i bought the piano score sheets and learned every song. I even watched all the interviews and documentaries on it's history. That was when it hit me. This musical...try applying it to your life. There were 6 main characters, all with different personalities. The starving musician, the girl next door, the independent film maker, the actress, the actresses hubbie, etc. Each had their own story, and it diverged into this one musical. I applied myself to the "independent film maker" at the time. He saw everything through the lens, and it's through the lens of his camera where he saw how much is going on in the world. He saw the reality of life...any of these characters, you can see how they saw life as, and you can relate to them fully. Even in the lyrics of each song that was sung...they had funky titles, but accurate. "Santa Fe," "Seasons Of Love," "Halloween," "I'll Cover You," just to name a few. Tr imagery that was used...you can really see it, feel it, smell it. I'll use "Seasons of Love" as an example. "525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear...how do you measure, a year in a life? How about love?" the song is the opening of the musical, so it has to be memorable. This is sung on an empty stage, with a beam if spotlight on each of the characters. That's it. It's so simple. Put the lyrics and the staging together, and you can fully understand tue concept of the song. You still don't get it? Basically, it's saying that life is simple. We measure a moment in our life through the technical things, numbers, minutes...why not measure it in something as simple as love? That's what we remember the most, right? How much we love a person? That's the kind of message a song should have. Not this nonsense we have nowadays where the message of a song is to love the way someone lies...what kind of person loves the way people lie? That's why I hardly ever listen to mainstream music. To put it straight, musicals > mainstream radio. And the fact that no overdose of autotune is used in recording. It's pure singing, with no edits. So thank you Jonathan Larson. Thank you for the inspiring music and musical overall.
All in all, I love the theater. It's something that I can watch that's somewhat classy, in comparison to watching a bootleg movie online. You get all the essence of entertainment into one big package. You got your singing, dancing, art, acting, writing...what more can you ask for? You know, I really wish that i can see a musical again, especially a stage production of RENT. That would be so nice. I also wish that I can do something with my life that had to do with stage production. The rush I get...it's the best feeling you can possibly get. It's my natural high, really.
"The heart may freeze, or it can burn,
The pain will ease, if I can learn.
There is no future, there is no past.
I live this moment as my last.
There's only us, there's only this,
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today." -Mimi, "Another Day"
soul4soulcv.
There's one particular stage production that I want to talk about. It's not a Disney one, but rather...it's a musical about making it in life. It's about...even though you may not be the richest person, or the most perfect person in the world...ad long as you have your friends around you, you CAN make it. (something along the lines of that.) the musical that I'm, somehow, trying to talk about...and I love dearly is none other than RENT. This musical, this stage production has so much history behind it. I myself, didn't find out about this musical until my auntie told me about it. Like I wrote on tumblr, I'm happy she did. It was something about this musical that stuck. The first time I watched it (the movie version), I was...confused. This was back in 06. I didn't understand the essence of it at all. I said to myself, "umm...so, these people are pretty much bankrupt and their singing about it?" but even though I said this, I watched it again and again...i bought the piano score sheets and learned every song. I even watched all the interviews and documentaries on it's history. That was when it hit me. This musical...try applying it to your life. There were 6 main characters, all with different personalities. The starving musician, the girl next door, the independent film maker, the actress, the actresses hubbie, etc. Each had their own story, and it diverged into this one musical. I applied myself to the "independent film maker" at the time. He saw everything through the lens, and it's through the lens of his camera where he saw how much is going on in the world. He saw the reality of life...any of these characters, you can see how they saw life as, and you can relate to them fully. Even in the lyrics of each song that was sung...they had funky titles, but accurate. "Santa Fe," "Seasons Of Love," "Halloween," "I'll Cover You," just to name a few. Tr imagery that was used...you can really see it, feel it, smell it. I'll use "Seasons of Love" as an example. "525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear...how do you measure, a year in a life? How about love?" the song is the opening of the musical, so it has to be memorable. This is sung on an empty stage, with a beam if spotlight on each of the characters. That's it. It's so simple. Put the lyrics and the staging together, and you can fully understand tue concept of the song. You still don't get it? Basically, it's saying that life is simple. We measure a moment in our life through the technical things, numbers, minutes...why not measure it in something as simple as love? That's what we remember the most, right? How much we love a person? That's the kind of message a song should have. Not this nonsense we have nowadays where the message of a song is to love the way someone lies...what kind of person loves the way people lie? That's why I hardly ever listen to mainstream music. To put it straight, musicals > mainstream radio. And the fact that no overdose of autotune is used in recording. It's pure singing, with no edits. So thank you Jonathan Larson. Thank you for the inspiring music and musical overall.
All in all, I love the theater. It's something that I can watch that's somewhat classy, in comparison to watching a bootleg movie online. You get all the essence of entertainment into one big package. You got your singing, dancing, art, acting, writing...what more can you ask for? You know, I really wish that i can see a musical again, especially a stage production of RENT. That would be so nice. I also wish that I can do something with my life that had to do with stage production. The rush I get...it's the best feeling you can possibly get. It's my natural high, really.
"The heart may freeze, or it can burn,
The pain will ease, if I can learn.
There is no future, there is no past.
I live this moment as my last.
There's only us, there's only this,
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today." -Mimi, "Another Day"
soul4soulcv.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Playing Back The Moments, and I'm starting to believe.
picture this:
-you're in high school, a junior.
-an average student, grade-wise.
-not exactly "popular," but you know most of your class, and they know you.
i pretty much described myself. i really don't know where i wanted to go with this...oh wait, now i do...silly me.
you see, i'm not that sociable when it comes to meeting new people. it may seem like it's not true, but it is. i'm fine when i meet new people over the internet, because i'm behind a screen. (no creeper intended) i find it a lot easier to talk over facebook comments, tumblr reblogs, text messages, etc. because i'm typing what i need to say. when i meet someone face to face, i feel like i'm limited to what i'm saying. i never thought i would meet and become friends with so many people when i was in high school. and i'm actually surprised that i befriended some people that i would never have expected to be friends with, especially when it came to...what's the word..."popular" kids.
in my high school, it was hard to see who were the popular ones or not, because we (my class, 09) all hung out in the same general area, that broke up into small groups. it's not like in the movies, where the popular clique would be at one table, while the other cliques basked in their "awesome-ness" all around them. (where is THAT a reference from?) my school didn't have a specific group of popular kids. they were all spread out amongst the small groups. since high school is over for me, i can finally talk about this freely.
since my freshman year, i've known this one person. she was one of those "popular" kids that i speak of. we never really spoke to each other till our senior year, but we knew of each other before then...thanks to things like homecoming, FANTASTICS...my group of friends knew that i knew her, but what they DIDN'T know is that throughout this year, we became, somewhat closer than we were in high school. no, no! i don't mean in a relationship type thing like that. (i already cleared that up in my last post) i mean, as the year went by, i knew more about this person and this person knew more about me. like that...get it? :)
currently, we go to the same college, and we have the same major...the dreaded Nursing major every filipino has. no, we didn't plan it. i actually had no idea she even applied to State. she was smart enough to get into a UC, and she seemed like the type to get out of san jose for college. well yeah, things happen i guess.
for my first semester, we barely saw each other on campus. i think i saw her once or twice in the beginning, but i never saw her after that. towards the end of that first semester, she somehow got my number and started texting me about classes and junk for spring semester. long story short, we ended up in one of the longer classes together. (and when i say longer, i mean it was...long.) yeah, you can most definitely say that we spent a lot of time together. throughout that spring semester, she started becoming a lot more open about herself to me. she told me EVERYTHING that was going on with her life. at some points, i became overwhelmed with what she told me because they were so...deep. one time, she told me something that only her family knows about her. when she first told me this, I was surprised. I said to myself, "woah, she must really trust me for telling me this." then she went on and on about it, and she felt so comfortable about it. it was like she wasn't holding back anything. I'm really grateful that she can trust me that way though. We've only started talking this casually for a few months. Oh wait, I didn't tell you what I told her. I think the deepest thing that I told her about me was that I'm addicted to the Internet. People may think that I'm just being silly, but it's actually a harmful addiction. Anyways, she accepted it....Actually, she already knew without me telling her. :P that shows she pays attention to what I'm doing a lot during class. Oh yeah! She also technically, was the one who urged me so much to get my driver's liscense. Yeah, I got my liscense because of her. She better be proud. Lol
I guess my moral to this session is that there's more to people than meets the eye. When it comes to me and my friend, we hardly knew each other before we started talking casually. All I knew of her before was that she was the girl that every guy seemed to have a crush on, the dancer... I was just this average person who happened to be in the same classes she was in during senior year. You wouldn't have expected us to be friends during that time.You know, back in senior year the only thing we talked about was homework or tests or what time FANTASTICS practice was going to be on a Friday. Look at us now. We talk
about everything besides school. Playing back all those moments we had a few months ago during spring semester, it really shows that we're closer than you can ever imagine. We're so close, that we can pass off as relatives of some sort with everything we've shared. I guess it's true that two people that look like they have nothing in common can actually be really close friends. Hope the trust and bonding with stay like this.
soul4soulcv.
-you're in high school, a junior.
-an average student, grade-wise.
-not exactly "popular," but you know most of your class, and they know you.
i pretty much described myself. i really don't know where i wanted to go with this...oh wait, now i do...silly me.
you see, i'm not that sociable when it comes to meeting new people. it may seem like it's not true, but it is. i'm fine when i meet new people over the internet, because i'm behind a screen. (no creeper intended) i find it a lot easier to talk over facebook comments, tumblr reblogs, text messages, etc. because i'm typing what i need to say. when i meet someone face to face, i feel like i'm limited to what i'm saying. i never thought i would meet and become friends with so many people when i was in high school. and i'm actually surprised that i befriended some people that i would never have expected to be friends with, especially when it came to...what's the word..."popular" kids.
in my high school, it was hard to see who were the popular ones or not, because we (my class, 09) all hung out in the same general area, that broke up into small groups. it's not like in the movies, where the popular clique would be at one table, while the other cliques basked in their "awesome-ness" all around them. (where is THAT a reference from?) my school didn't have a specific group of popular kids. they were all spread out amongst the small groups. since high school is over for me, i can finally talk about this freely.
since my freshman year, i've known this one person. she was one of those "popular" kids that i speak of. we never really spoke to each other till our senior year, but we knew of each other before then...thanks to things like homecoming, FANTASTICS...my group of friends knew that i knew her, but what they DIDN'T know is that throughout this year, we became, somewhat closer than we were in high school. no, no! i don't mean in a relationship type thing like that. (i already cleared that up in my last post) i mean, as the year went by, i knew more about this person and this person knew more about me. like that...get it? :)
currently, we go to the same college, and we have the same major...the dreaded Nursing major every filipino has. no, we didn't plan it. i actually had no idea she even applied to State. she was smart enough to get into a UC, and she seemed like the type to get out of san jose for college. well yeah, things happen i guess.
for my first semester, we barely saw each other on campus. i think i saw her once or twice in the beginning, but i never saw her after that. towards the end of that first semester, she somehow got my number and started texting me about classes and junk for spring semester. long story short, we ended up in one of the longer classes together. (and when i say longer, i mean it was...long.) yeah, you can most definitely say that we spent a lot of time together. throughout that spring semester, she started becoming a lot more open about herself to me. she told me EVERYTHING that was going on with her life. at some points, i became overwhelmed with what she told me because they were so...deep. one time, she told me something that only her family knows about her. when she first told me this, I was surprised. I said to myself, "woah, she must really trust me for telling me this." then she went on and on about it, and she felt so comfortable about it. it was like she wasn't holding back anything. I'm really grateful that she can trust me that way though. We've only started talking this casually for a few months. Oh wait, I didn't tell you what I told her. I think the deepest thing that I told her about me was that I'm addicted to the Internet. People may think that I'm just being silly, but it's actually a harmful addiction. Anyways, she accepted it....Actually, she already knew without me telling her. :P that shows she pays attention to what I'm doing a lot during class. Oh yeah! She also technically, was the one who urged me so much to get my driver's liscense. Yeah, I got my liscense because of her. She better be proud. Lol
I guess my moral to this session is that there's more to people than meets the eye. When it comes to me and my friend, we hardly knew each other before we started talking casually. All I knew of her before was that she was the girl that every guy seemed to have a crush on, the dancer... I was just this average person who happened to be in the same classes she was in during senior year. You wouldn't have expected us to be friends during that time.You know, back in senior year the only thing we talked about was homework or tests or what time FANTASTICS practice was going to be on a Friday. Look at us now. We talk
about everything besides school. Playing back all those moments we had a few months ago during spring semester, it really shows that we're closer than you can ever imagine. We're so close, that we can pass off as relatives of some sort with everything we've shared. I guess it's true that two people that look like they have nothing in common can actually be really close friends. Hope the trust and bonding with stay like this.
soul4soulcv.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
"i can't believe i ever had feelings for you."
yes, yes. i don't know about you, but there's always gonna be that person or persons that you had feelings for at one point in your life. and when you look back on it, you're gonna say, "man, i can't believe i actually had feelings for that person!" like many, i'm one of those people. there aren't that many people that i had feelings for, but when i did...shoot, i was crazy over them. not that crazy, but you get what i'm trying to say. here's one story that i'd like to share about my experience with this...debacle. i won't mention names.
person number 1: this was the one person that i fell the hardest for, just so you know. i never realized i had feelings for this person at first. i just saw them as, "my friend's cousin." but then, i noticed something different one day i saw him. he looked...better looking than the rest of the ones at our age. i just said to myself, "whatever" and just let it go.
a few months later, this person show up at my middle school. surprise! he just transferred! lovely, right? i remember seeing this person at break, looking extremely lost. no one knew who he was, so being the friendly person that i am, i went up to this person to say hi. he smiled and said hi back, and that was that.
a semester went by, this person has a girlfriend. again, how lovely is that? at that point, i don't know what came over me. i was...jealous. probably a week or two later, they break up...VICTORY right? not so much. i failed to mention that the girl was one of my friends. i never really got the full story about what happened, but it didn't matter.
it was the time of the year where we all received different elective classes. after pulling a few strings, i was able to get the plushiest elective of them all: TA for my algebra teacher. having that elective was like killing two birds with one stone. #1, it was an instant A for just passing out handouts, filing, and grading assignments, #2, i had the class (algebra) as my last class, so i was able to do the notes and get a head start on homework beforehand. how plush can it get? well, here's another surprise: the class that i was TA for...yeah, HE was in that class. i said to myself, "oh...SHOOT!!!" i was happy and kinda iffy at the same time. again, i failed to mention he got a new girlfriend. didn't know much about her...only that i sat next to her in english. anyways, the first few weeks were alright. we said hi to each other during my TA period, when we passed each other in the quad...good times. what made us closer were the small moments during my TA period. i remember i was cleaning transparencies during their lecture, and then he randomly came up to the sink to "wash his hands," and started splashing me with the water! another moment was when i was trying to get papers off the wall that my teacher stapled. i couldn't reach it, so he did it for me. last but not least, the one moment that i had with him (maybe a few actually) was...the poking. my, oh my. that guy loved to surprise me with that. i would be sitting at my desk, grading papers before the lecture started, and he would sneak attack on me to make me jump out of my seat. i think i only jumped off my seat once because of his surprise poke attacks...i don't know, i wouldn't really call this "flirting," since he had a girlfriend at the time. i'll just call it "being friendly." well, overall that was when my feelings for this person took off on a high.
high school, was a different story. i hardly saw him around campus, but when i did, we were able to say hi to each other. but it didn't feel the same as it was just a few months ago. although there was this one instance where he had a big smile on his face when he said hi to me, so that made me happy that day. anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend, (again, i don't know how or why. i just found out through myspace.) so there was a little gleam of hope. i still had a lot of feelings for him too. one day, something changed about him. it wasn't the group of friends he hung out with, it wasn't the way he dressed or looked. there was just something...off. i saw him walking to his 3rd period class, while i was walking the opposite direction. i ditched my group of friends that i usually walked with just to see him, say hi, and do a little something else (no, not flirt). so, i did what i wanted to do. i did what he used to do to me. when i was in his blind spot, i went up to him and poked him softly. i looked at him waiting for a response. all i got from was a surprised look, and a "oh, hi" reply. i was...disappointed. but i couldn't really complain. i can't remember all the details of this year, but all i do remember was that i stopped having feelings for him. and frankly, i'm glad i stopped having feelings for him during that time.
why exactly? i'll tell you, he changed. he wasn't the same person he was back in middle school. now that high school is over, i can say that during those 4 years,
he. was. a. jerk. to me, no. to other people, yes. i can't believe he changed like that. he was this nice guy who was so laid back. during high school, wow...especially junior year. oh my goodness. i had him in 3 out of 6 classes. he was rude to the teachers, mean to the kids around us...he made me so angry. there was only one time where he wasn't such a jerk, and that was when we had a photo project to do together. that was the only time where i saw that nice guy i met back in middle school. but after that, it was back to his jerk-y self. what else can he do to make me happy that i stopped having feelings for him? last but not least, he drinks...every. single. weekend. at least, he did during that time. but still, he disappointed me.
presently, he was suppose to go to the college that i'm attending right now. but i guess he screwed up so much during high school, he ended up in a community college somewhere.
if you're wondering if i still talk to this guy, i don't. well, that's because i don't see him as often as i used to. the only connection i have with him is with his sister, who it the complete opposite of him, and i talk to every other day. she's like a younger sister to me, so i keep an eye out on her once in awhile. if you're wondering if i want to talk to this guy, maybe. the last i saw him, he looked like he changed for the good. but then again, it just LOOKS like he changed. it's takes more than looks to change a person.
are you wondering if there's anyone i have feelings for at the moment? well, i can tell you that i'm just living my life. i don't want anything to do with relationships right now. i can say that i had my feelings torn in two a little too many times before, and one of those times was not too long ago. i have time to be in a relationship, don't worry. but right now, i'm loving being drama free and not worrying about who is with who or who's talking to who.
what's my moral, you may ask? well, it's just as the title implies. there's always gonna be that one person that you had feelings for in the past. when you look back on it, you say "what the heck was i thinking?!" even though it may seem bad, it's good to look back on that person you had feelings for, and have a good laugh about it once in awhile. but that moment shouldn't be just to laugh at. take that moment as a blessing in disguise. it shows you the people that you SHOULDN'T go after.
soul4soulcv
person number 1: this was the one person that i fell the hardest for, just so you know. i never realized i had feelings for this person at first. i just saw them as, "my friend's cousin." but then, i noticed something different one day i saw him. he looked...better looking than the rest of the ones at our age. i just said to myself, "whatever" and just let it go.
a few months later, this person show up at my middle school. surprise! he just transferred! lovely, right? i remember seeing this person at break, looking extremely lost. no one knew who he was, so being the friendly person that i am, i went up to this person to say hi. he smiled and said hi back, and that was that.
a semester went by, this person has a girlfriend. again, how lovely is that? at that point, i don't know what came over me. i was...jealous. probably a week or two later, they break up...VICTORY right? not so much. i failed to mention that the girl was one of my friends. i never really got the full story about what happened, but it didn't matter.
it was the time of the year where we all received different elective classes. after pulling a few strings, i was able to get the plushiest elective of them all: TA for my algebra teacher. having that elective was like killing two birds with one stone. #1, it was an instant A for just passing out handouts, filing, and grading assignments, #2, i had the class (algebra) as my last class, so i was able to do the notes and get a head start on homework beforehand. how plush can it get? well, here's another surprise: the class that i was TA for...yeah, HE was in that class. i said to myself, "oh...SHOOT!!!" i was happy and kinda iffy at the same time. again, i failed to mention he got a new girlfriend. didn't know much about her...only that i sat next to her in english. anyways, the first few weeks were alright. we said hi to each other during my TA period, when we passed each other in the quad...good times. what made us closer were the small moments during my TA period. i remember i was cleaning transparencies during their lecture, and then he randomly came up to the sink to "wash his hands," and started splashing me with the water! another moment was when i was trying to get papers off the wall that my teacher stapled. i couldn't reach it, so he did it for me. last but not least, the one moment that i had with him (maybe a few actually) was...the poking. my, oh my. that guy loved to surprise me with that. i would be sitting at my desk, grading papers before the lecture started, and he would sneak attack on me to make me jump out of my seat. i think i only jumped off my seat once because of his surprise poke attacks...i don't know, i wouldn't really call this "flirting," since he had a girlfriend at the time. i'll just call it "being friendly." well, overall that was when my feelings for this person took off on a high.
high school, was a different story. i hardly saw him around campus, but when i did, we were able to say hi to each other. but it didn't feel the same as it was just a few months ago. although there was this one instance where he had a big smile on his face when he said hi to me, so that made me happy that day. anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend, (again, i don't know how or why. i just found out through myspace.) so there was a little gleam of hope. i still had a lot of feelings for him too. one day, something changed about him. it wasn't the group of friends he hung out with, it wasn't the way he dressed or looked. there was just something...off. i saw him walking to his 3rd period class, while i was walking the opposite direction. i ditched my group of friends that i usually walked with just to see him, say hi, and do a little something else (no, not flirt). so, i did what i wanted to do. i did what he used to do to me. when i was in his blind spot, i went up to him and poked him softly. i looked at him waiting for a response. all i got from was a surprised look, and a "oh, hi" reply. i was...disappointed. but i couldn't really complain. i can't remember all the details of this year, but all i do remember was that i stopped having feelings for him. and frankly, i'm glad i stopped having feelings for him during that time.
why exactly? i'll tell you, he changed. he wasn't the same person he was back in middle school. now that high school is over, i can say that during those 4 years,
he. was. a. jerk. to me, no. to other people, yes. i can't believe he changed like that. he was this nice guy who was so laid back. during high school, wow...especially junior year. oh my goodness. i had him in 3 out of 6 classes. he was rude to the teachers, mean to the kids around us...he made me so angry. there was only one time where he wasn't such a jerk, and that was when we had a photo project to do together. that was the only time where i saw that nice guy i met back in middle school. but after that, it was back to his jerk-y self. what else can he do to make me happy that i stopped having feelings for him? last but not least, he drinks...every. single. weekend. at least, he did during that time. but still, he disappointed me.
presently, he was suppose to go to the college that i'm attending right now. but i guess he screwed up so much during high school, he ended up in a community college somewhere.
if you're wondering if i still talk to this guy, i don't. well, that's because i don't see him as often as i used to. the only connection i have with him is with his sister, who it the complete opposite of him, and i talk to every other day. she's like a younger sister to me, so i keep an eye out on her once in awhile. if you're wondering if i want to talk to this guy, maybe. the last i saw him, he looked like he changed for the good. but then again, it just LOOKS like he changed. it's takes more than looks to change a person.
are you wondering if there's anyone i have feelings for at the moment? well, i can tell you that i'm just living my life. i don't want anything to do with relationships right now. i can say that i had my feelings torn in two a little too many times before, and one of those times was not too long ago. i have time to be in a relationship, don't worry. but right now, i'm loving being drama free and not worrying about who is with who or who's talking to who.
what's my moral, you may ask? well, it's just as the title implies. there's always gonna be that one person that you had feelings for in the past. when you look back on it, you say "what the heck was i thinking?!" even though it may seem bad, it's good to look back on that person you had feelings for, and have a good laugh about it once in awhile. but that moment shouldn't be just to laugh at. take that moment as a blessing in disguise. it shows you the people that you SHOULDN'T go after.
soul4soulcv
Saturday, July 31, 2010
writer's block.
it's one thing to get writer's block when you're trying to write a formal essay for a class. it's another thing to get it when you're trying to write a song. but have you ever got it when you are trying to find something to say to that one special person?
no, no...i'm not talking about finding the right words to say to the person in order for them to notice you.
think about this scenario: you've talked to that person numerous times before, you connected, and all of a sudden that connection just stopped. when you see that person, you can't even start up a conversation anymore...
have you grown tired of that person? have you connected enough? maybe you just ran out of words to say to them. so what do you do at that point? do you try to keep going, hoping that you'll find something in common again on the way...or just simply throw in the towel and not try anymore.
it's your call if you want to take the easy way and just forget about that person, but don't you remember how you felt when you first met that person? that feeling of ecstacy when they were around you, the way their voice sounded when they talked, their...everything really. THAT should be the motivation to find something to connect with them again. don't give up because of one minor fault.
actions do speak louder than words. if you forget them and stop hanging around that person, then that person will get the impression that you don't want anything to do with them anymore. sticking with that person even though you have nothing to say is better than leaving them, vulnerable for other people to make a move.
if you ever find that you run out of words to say, stay cool, calm, collected. the words will come to you when they will. the awkward silences you may have with that person is better than having no moments with them at all.
soul4soulcv.
no, no...i'm not talking about finding the right words to say to the person in order for them to notice you.
think about this scenario: you've talked to that person numerous times before, you connected, and all of a sudden that connection just stopped. when you see that person, you can't even start up a conversation anymore...
have you grown tired of that person? have you connected enough? maybe you just ran out of words to say to them. so what do you do at that point? do you try to keep going, hoping that you'll find something in common again on the way...or just simply throw in the towel and not try anymore.
it's your call if you want to take the easy way and just forget about that person, but don't you remember how you felt when you first met that person? that feeling of ecstacy when they were around you, the way their voice sounded when they talked, their...everything really. THAT should be the motivation to find something to connect with them again. don't give up because of one minor fault.
actions do speak louder than words. if you forget them and stop hanging around that person, then that person will get the impression that you don't want anything to do with them anymore. sticking with that person even though you have nothing to say is better than leaving them, vulnerable for other people to make a move.
if you ever find that you run out of words to say, stay cool, calm, collected. the words will come to you when they will. the awkward silences you may have with that person is better than having no moments with them at all.
soul4soulcv.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
acception
ok, it's obvious that tumblr didn't burst into flames. but i'm definitely having writer's block over in that section of my life, so i'm using this to write what's on my mind. bear with me on this.
it's true that we all have our own opinions on certain things, and sometimes we try to convince others that our views are what's right. although, most of the time the people who we try to convince reject what we have to say and keep their views. why do people reject others' views on things? is it that they're overwhelmed with what they have heard from you? maybe it's because they were taught that your views are completely wrong? whatever the reason might be, we're left with the question: "who's right? me or the one we are trying to convince?"
let me take this into a religious perspective, since that's what this is mainly about for me. for the past few years, i've (as well as many others) have been asked to invite people to listen to a bible study lesson in the church i go to. unfortunately, i wasn't able to successfully invite and bring someone to listen to the lessons as of yet. although, i did have friends from school that were invited to listen to the lesson, which was very surprising. after they heard the lesson, i asked one of my friends that attended, "so what did you think of the lesson." his reply was, "umm, i thought it was ok. i mean, i think it was a little bit over exaggerated..." i wasn't shocked at his answer, since i knew it was his first time in attending, and the fact that his religious views is agnostic. a few weeks later, there was another bible study that we were asked to invite. the first person i thought of was my friend who attended the first time. i asked, and he said no. i asked him why, and he said his mom doesn't like the church that i go to. this time, i was shocked.
here's another example that happened recently. on the 27th (tuesday), we celebrated INC Day, where we had this huge bible study with a dozen different locales. again, we were asked to bring people. this time, i technically did have a guest, but he was working inside the arena. he was listening to the lesson anyway as he worked. anyways, this wasn't about my guest. this incident (if you can call it that) happened hours after the event was over. being me, i posted a picture of the banner on the stage, which said "INC Day," and under it, i captioned it as, "the ending to a very enlightening day." a few minutes later, a person, who i had no idea who they were, reblogged it saying, "i'm laughing at the irony of the caption." (something along those lines.) at first, i was saying to myself, "ok...rude much?" and i just left it there. the next day, i got a text from my friend from hayward. she basically texted me apologizing because it was her friend that reblogged and said that rude comment. she also told me that he really doesn't believe in religion, and they got in a fight over it. i told her it was alright, and i didn't mind. quite frankly, that's when it hit me...
so, who is right? you or the person you're trying to convince?
here's the answer:
we can talk to people about our views on things, but most of the time they won't agree just because...well, whatever their mindset is. it's not our fault that the person we are trying to convince won't accept. if they don't accept, just let it go. if it wasn't meant to be, it's not meant to be, whether it be about religion or clothing brands. the best thing we can do is accept their opinions and their choices and be open. don't get mad at them. who knows, maybe there will come a time where that person will come around and accept your views too.
soul4soulcv.
it's true that we all have our own opinions on certain things, and sometimes we try to convince others that our views are what's right. although, most of the time the people who we try to convince reject what we have to say and keep their views. why do people reject others' views on things? is it that they're overwhelmed with what they have heard from you? maybe it's because they were taught that your views are completely wrong? whatever the reason might be, we're left with the question: "who's right? me or the one we are trying to convince?"
let me take this into a religious perspective, since that's what this is mainly about for me. for the past few years, i've (as well as many others) have been asked to invite people to listen to a bible study lesson in the church i go to. unfortunately, i wasn't able to successfully invite and bring someone to listen to the lessons as of yet. although, i did have friends from school that were invited to listen to the lesson, which was very surprising. after they heard the lesson, i asked one of my friends that attended, "so what did you think of the lesson." his reply was, "umm, i thought it was ok. i mean, i think it was a little bit over exaggerated..." i wasn't shocked at his answer, since i knew it was his first time in attending, and the fact that his religious views is agnostic. a few weeks later, there was another bible study that we were asked to invite. the first person i thought of was my friend who attended the first time. i asked, and he said no. i asked him why, and he said his mom doesn't like the church that i go to. this time, i was shocked.
here's another example that happened recently. on the 27th (tuesday), we celebrated INC Day, where we had this huge bible study with a dozen different locales. again, we were asked to bring people. this time, i technically did have a guest, but he was working inside the arena. he was listening to the lesson anyway as he worked. anyways, this wasn't about my guest. this incident (if you can call it that) happened hours after the event was over. being me, i posted a picture of the banner on the stage, which said "INC Day," and under it, i captioned it as, "the ending to a very enlightening day." a few minutes later, a person, who i had no idea who they were, reblogged it saying, "i'm laughing at the irony of the caption." (something along those lines.) at first, i was saying to myself, "ok...rude much?" and i just left it there. the next day, i got a text from my friend from hayward. she basically texted me apologizing because it was her friend that reblogged and said that rude comment. she also told me that he really doesn't believe in religion, and they got in a fight over it. i told her it was alright, and i didn't mind. quite frankly, that's when it hit me...
so, who is right? you or the person you're trying to convince?
here's the answer:
we can talk to people about our views on things, but most of the time they won't agree just because...well, whatever their mindset is. it's not our fault that the person we are trying to convince won't accept. if they don't accept, just let it go. if it wasn't meant to be, it's not meant to be, whether it be about religion or clothing brands. the best thing we can do is accept their opinions and their choices and be open. don't get mad at them. who knows, maybe there will come a time where that person will come around and accept your views too.
soul4soulcv.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
hi, remember me?
well, i decided to blog here as a change. if you haven't been following me since my last post, i've been on tumblr for the past year or so. but maybe some of you may have heard what might go down tomorrow, so i feel like venting about the situation. (i highly doubt anyone's gonna read this, but whatever. it's just for a log) well, some immature 11 year old posted some videos on youtube...being hella stupid. one of the videos she posted was to "all her haters." ok girl, first of all, EVERYONE HAS HATERS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE HATERS, THEN YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. who gives a flying care if you have haters?! move on with your life kid! second of all, YOU'RE 11 YEARS OLD!! why the heck are you on the computer, recording videos of yourself cursing and posting pictures of yourself? whatever. well, this girl will be on good morning america tomorrow...if she mentions something about tumblr...all the tumblr users will be affected. the media will investigate about the matter, and the least they can do to the site is to ban all those risque posts. the WORST they can do is shut down tumblr. i really don't want that to happen. i've met a good handful of people that i've grown to love on there. well, if something really does happen tomorrow, then i still have this. something that i can just vent on, and only a few people can read it. the one thing i liked about blogspot is that i can write about almost anything...my feelings, what i've been through, etc...and people won't understand what i'm talking about, except me. as for tumblr, i can write about something...and everyone can see it. well, that's all i gotta say right now...wow, it's only been a few minutes and i have this much to talk about. i must be really aggravated. x] laters.
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