it's been awhile since i've written on this. usually, i'd be typing this up on my phone before sleeping, since that's where i get my last minute inspiration. anyways, i started my second year of college last wednesday. so far, i'm liking it. for one thing, no more english and math to worry about. my classes right now are basically just a class where i take notes and read. it's not much, but i'm not gonna judge the workload i'll be getting based on the first day. i've been reading a lot so far with the "homework" i've gotten. the readings are pretty long, especially for one particular class. but i actually enjoyed reading it and have taken interest.
we always hear the saying, "it runs in the family." this saying is applied to almost everything we do. everything we do, probably someone in our family in the past has done it as well. is that why we do things? is that why we act the way we act? because of our lineage?
so that class that i've taken interest in is philosophy 10, or intro to philosophy. i'll be honest, the only reason why i took this class for this semester was to fill my units up. the class itself on the first day was a bit dull, especially the fact that the teacher mumbled her words. i thought, "great. it's one of THESE teachers." when i got home that afternoon, i started reading the textbook we had to get for the class. i was really intrigued with the way the textbook was worded. it was like the book was speaking to me. for sure, it wasn't like the 3rd person type of textbook we're all used to. seriously, it's one of the most interesting things i've ever read. the subject of philosophy itself is all about questioning people's thoughts and for you to be open to new ideas. maybe that's why i liked what i've read so far. because throughout the book, it was questioning the previous points that were mentioned...
i question about things a lot, especially lately. i question myself what, when, why, how...it's because of the questioning that helps me write a lot easier.
why did i bring up the subject of family and philosophy? i had a grandparent that i hardly saw. i probably saw him twice in my lifetime. actually, i don't even know if i'm actually related to him. you know, filipino families and all that. we call everyone our relatives...anyways, even though i hardly ever saw him, i heard a lot of stories about him. for one thing, i was told that he graduated as a lawyer. he also majored in, you guessed it, philosophy. i wonder, is that why i'm interested in this subject? i'll never know. but i find it interesting that out of all the classes that i could have taken for this semester, i took this one. i had other GE classes to choose from, and i settled for a subject that i pretty much chose blindly...
well, like i said, who knows. maybe it's trying to tell me something.
i'm looking forward to the first lecture for this class. hopefully, it'll be easy...and the teacher will break down all the ideas that each philosopher possessed. i'm not saying that i want an easy way to learn this, but it would be nice to know if the way that i'm comprehending the book is the correct way.
soul4soulcv.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
No day, but today.
Ever since I can remember, I've been madly in love with stage production. Working backstage, performing onstage, watching it all come together...it's seriously a rush! It started when I was about 6 years old. For almost a year, I attended and watched practices for an original stage production that my church had called, "30 Years In the West." I was in so much awe. These people, these brethren, they put countless hours into practicing their numbers. They spent even more hours off practice and recorded their vocals for the musical numbers...and not to mention, they weren't professional actors or singers. They did it for the fun. I remember the first musical number that brought me to tears...it was from tha very production. The emotion on the actors' faces, the deep lyrics, their everything...it made me very emotional. A few years after that happened, my mom forced me to join yet another church production. It wasn't an original, but it was a classic. We did our interpretation of "Joseph and the Amazong Technicolor Dreamcoat." that experience was far from just watching. This production took us almost 2 years of practicing an perfecting. I spent every weekend at rehearsals, and sometimes the weekdays too. It was a lot for a little me to handle. But all that practice was so worth it. For when the days finally came for opening night, the audience was in awe. All that work paid off in the end. I'll never forget that thrill. I haven't had that thrill in awhile, because we haven't had a major production since then...but seriously, that's where my love for stage production started. It made me appreciate how much hard work can pay off in the long run.
There's one particular stage production that I want to talk about. It's not a Disney one, but rather...it's a musical about making it in life. It's about...even though you may not be the richest person, or the most perfect person in the world...ad long as you have your friends around you, you CAN make it. (something along the lines of that.) the musical that I'm, somehow, trying to talk about...and I love dearly is none other than RENT. This musical, this stage production has so much history behind it. I myself, didn't find out about this musical until my auntie told me about it. Like I wrote on tumblr, I'm happy she did. It was something about this musical that stuck. The first time I watched it (the movie version), I was...confused. This was back in 06. I didn't understand the essence of it at all. I said to myself, "umm...so, these people are pretty much bankrupt and their singing about it?" but even though I said this, I watched it again and again...i bought the piano score sheets and learned every song. I even watched all the interviews and documentaries on it's history. That was when it hit me. This musical...try applying it to your life. There were 6 main characters, all with different personalities. The starving musician, the girl next door, the independent film maker, the actress, the actresses hubbie, etc. Each had their own story, and it diverged into this one musical. I applied myself to the "independent film maker" at the time. He saw everything through the lens, and it's through the lens of his camera where he saw how much is going on in the world. He saw the reality of life...any of these characters, you can see how they saw life as, and you can relate to them fully. Even in the lyrics of each song that was sung...they had funky titles, but accurate. "Santa Fe," "Seasons Of Love," "Halloween," "I'll Cover You," just to name a few. Tr imagery that was used...you can really see it, feel it, smell it. I'll use "Seasons of Love" as an example. "525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear...how do you measure, a year in a life? How about love?" the song is the opening of the musical, so it has to be memorable. This is sung on an empty stage, with a beam if spotlight on each of the characters. That's it. It's so simple. Put the lyrics and the staging together, and you can fully understand tue concept of the song. You still don't get it? Basically, it's saying that life is simple. We measure a moment in our life through the technical things, numbers, minutes...why not measure it in something as simple as love? That's what we remember the most, right? How much we love a person? That's the kind of message a song should have. Not this nonsense we have nowadays where the message of a song is to love the way someone lies...what kind of person loves the way people lie? That's why I hardly ever listen to mainstream music. To put it straight, musicals > mainstream radio. And the fact that no overdose of autotune is used in recording. It's pure singing, with no edits. So thank you Jonathan Larson. Thank you for the inspiring music and musical overall.
All in all, I love the theater. It's something that I can watch that's somewhat classy, in comparison to watching a bootleg movie online. You get all the essence of entertainment into one big package. You got your singing, dancing, art, acting, writing...what more can you ask for? You know, I really wish that i can see a musical again, especially a stage production of RENT. That would be so nice. I also wish that I can do something with my life that had to do with stage production. The rush I get...it's the best feeling you can possibly get. It's my natural high, really.
"The heart may freeze, or it can burn,
The pain will ease, if I can learn.
There is no future, there is no past.
I live this moment as my last.
There's only us, there's only this,
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today." -Mimi, "Another Day"
soul4soulcv.
There's one particular stage production that I want to talk about. It's not a Disney one, but rather...it's a musical about making it in life. It's about...even though you may not be the richest person, or the most perfect person in the world...ad long as you have your friends around you, you CAN make it. (something along the lines of that.) the musical that I'm, somehow, trying to talk about...and I love dearly is none other than RENT. This musical, this stage production has so much history behind it. I myself, didn't find out about this musical until my auntie told me about it. Like I wrote on tumblr, I'm happy she did. It was something about this musical that stuck. The first time I watched it (the movie version), I was...confused. This was back in 06. I didn't understand the essence of it at all. I said to myself, "umm...so, these people are pretty much bankrupt and their singing about it?" but even though I said this, I watched it again and again...i bought the piano score sheets and learned every song. I even watched all the interviews and documentaries on it's history. That was when it hit me. This musical...try applying it to your life. There were 6 main characters, all with different personalities. The starving musician, the girl next door, the independent film maker, the actress, the actresses hubbie, etc. Each had their own story, and it diverged into this one musical. I applied myself to the "independent film maker" at the time. He saw everything through the lens, and it's through the lens of his camera where he saw how much is going on in the world. He saw the reality of life...any of these characters, you can see how they saw life as, and you can relate to them fully. Even in the lyrics of each song that was sung...they had funky titles, but accurate. "Santa Fe," "Seasons Of Love," "Halloween," "I'll Cover You," just to name a few. Tr imagery that was used...you can really see it, feel it, smell it. I'll use "Seasons of Love" as an example. "525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear...how do you measure, a year in a life? How about love?" the song is the opening of the musical, so it has to be memorable. This is sung on an empty stage, with a beam if spotlight on each of the characters. That's it. It's so simple. Put the lyrics and the staging together, and you can fully understand tue concept of the song. You still don't get it? Basically, it's saying that life is simple. We measure a moment in our life through the technical things, numbers, minutes...why not measure it in something as simple as love? That's what we remember the most, right? How much we love a person? That's the kind of message a song should have. Not this nonsense we have nowadays where the message of a song is to love the way someone lies...what kind of person loves the way people lie? That's why I hardly ever listen to mainstream music. To put it straight, musicals > mainstream radio. And the fact that no overdose of autotune is used in recording. It's pure singing, with no edits. So thank you Jonathan Larson. Thank you for the inspiring music and musical overall.
All in all, I love the theater. It's something that I can watch that's somewhat classy, in comparison to watching a bootleg movie online. You get all the essence of entertainment into one big package. You got your singing, dancing, art, acting, writing...what more can you ask for? You know, I really wish that i can see a musical again, especially a stage production of RENT. That would be so nice. I also wish that I can do something with my life that had to do with stage production. The rush I get...it's the best feeling you can possibly get. It's my natural high, really.
"The heart may freeze, or it can burn,
The pain will ease, if I can learn.
There is no future, there is no past.
I live this moment as my last.
There's only us, there's only this,
Forget regret, or life is yours to miss.
No other road, no other way,
No day but today." -Mimi, "Another Day"
soul4soulcv.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Playing Back The Moments, and I'm starting to believe.
picture this:
-you're in high school, a junior.
-an average student, grade-wise.
-not exactly "popular," but you know most of your class, and they know you.
i pretty much described myself. i really don't know where i wanted to go with this...oh wait, now i do...silly me.
you see, i'm not that sociable when it comes to meeting new people. it may seem like it's not true, but it is. i'm fine when i meet new people over the internet, because i'm behind a screen. (no creeper intended) i find it a lot easier to talk over facebook comments, tumblr reblogs, text messages, etc. because i'm typing what i need to say. when i meet someone face to face, i feel like i'm limited to what i'm saying. i never thought i would meet and become friends with so many people when i was in high school. and i'm actually surprised that i befriended some people that i would never have expected to be friends with, especially when it came to...what's the word..."popular" kids.
in my high school, it was hard to see who were the popular ones or not, because we (my class, 09) all hung out in the same general area, that broke up into small groups. it's not like in the movies, where the popular clique would be at one table, while the other cliques basked in their "awesome-ness" all around them. (where is THAT a reference from?) my school didn't have a specific group of popular kids. they were all spread out amongst the small groups. since high school is over for me, i can finally talk about this freely.
since my freshman year, i've known this one person. she was one of those "popular" kids that i speak of. we never really spoke to each other till our senior year, but we knew of each other before then...thanks to things like homecoming, FANTASTICS...my group of friends knew that i knew her, but what they DIDN'T know is that throughout this year, we became, somewhat closer than we were in high school. no, no! i don't mean in a relationship type thing like that. (i already cleared that up in my last post) i mean, as the year went by, i knew more about this person and this person knew more about me. like that...get it? :)
currently, we go to the same college, and we have the same major...the dreaded Nursing major every filipino has. no, we didn't plan it. i actually had no idea she even applied to State. she was smart enough to get into a UC, and she seemed like the type to get out of san jose for college. well yeah, things happen i guess.
for my first semester, we barely saw each other on campus. i think i saw her once or twice in the beginning, but i never saw her after that. towards the end of that first semester, she somehow got my number and started texting me about classes and junk for spring semester. long story short, we ended up in one of the longer classes together. (and when i say longer, i mean it was...long.) yeah, you can most definitely say that we spent a lot of time together. throughout that spring semester, she started becoming a lot more open about herself to me. she told me EVERYTHING that was going on with her life. at some points, i became overwhelmed with what she told me because they were so...deep. one time, she told me something that only her family knows about her. when she first told me this, I was surprised. I said to myself, "woah, she must really trust me for telling me this." then she went on and on about it, and she felt so comfortable about it. it was like she wasn't holding back anything. I'm really grateful that she can trust me that way though. We've only started talking this casually for a few months. Oh wait, I didn't tell you what I told her. I think the deepest thing that I told her about me was that I'm addicted to the Internet. People may think that I'm just being silly, but it's actually a harmful addiction. Anyways, she accepted it....Actually, she already knew without me telling her. :P that shows she pays attention to what I'm doing a lot during class. Oh yeah! She also technically, was the one who urged me so much to get my driver's liscense. Yeah, I got my liscense because of her. She better be proud. Lol
I guess my moral to this session is that there's more to people than meets the eye. When it comes to me and my friend, we hardly knew each other before we started talking casually. All I knew of her before was that she was the girl that every guy seemed to have a crush on, the dancer... I was just this average person who happened to be in the same classes she was in during senior year. You wouldn't have expected us to be friends during that time.You know, back in senior year the only thing we talked about was homework or tests or what time FANTASTICS practice was going to be on a Friday. Look at us now. We talk
about everything besides school. Playing back all those moments we had a few months ago during spring semester, it really shows that we're closer than you can ever imagine. We're so close, that we can pass off as relatives of some sort with everything we've shared. I guess it's true that two people that look like they have nothing in common can actually be really close friends. Hope the trust and bonding with stay like this.
soul4soulcv.
-you're in high school, a junior.
-an average student, grade-wise.
-not exactly "popular," but you know most of your class, and they know you.
i pretty much described myself. i really don't know where i wanted to go with this...oh wait, now i do...silly me.
you see, i'm not that sociable when it comes to meeting new people. it may seem like it's not true, but it is. i'm fine when i meet new people over the internet, because i'm behind a screen. (no creeper intended) i find it a lot easier to talk over facebook comments, tumblr reblogs, text messages, etc. because i'm typing what i need to say. when i meet someone face to face, i feel like i'm limited to what i'm saying. i never thought i would meet and become friends with so many people when i was in high school. and i'm actually surprised that i befriended some people that i would never have expected to be friends with, especially when it came to...what's the word..."popular" kids.
in my high school, it was hard to see who were the popular ones or not, because we (my class, 09) all hung out in the same general area, that broke up into small groups. it's not like in the movies, where the popular clique would be at one table, while the other cliques basked in their "awesome-ness" all around them. (where is THAT a reference from?) my school didn't have a specific group of popular kids. they were all spread out amongst the small groups. since high school is over for me, i can finally talk about this freely.
since my freshman year, i've known this one person. she was one of those "popular" kids that i speak of. we never really spoke to each other till our senior year, but we knew of each other before then...thanks to things like homecoming, FANTASTICS...my group of friends knew that i knew her, but what they DIDN'T know is that throughout this year, we became, somewhat closer than we were in high school. no, no! i don't mean in a relationship type thing like that. (i already cleared that up in my last post) i mean, as the year went by, i knew more about this person and this person knew more about me. like that...get it? :)
currently, we go to the same college, and we have the same major...the dreaded Nursing major every filipino has. no, we didn't plan it. i actually had no idea she even applied to State. she was smart enough to get into a UC, and she seemed like the type to get out of san jose for college. well yeah, things happen i guess.
for my first semester, we barely saw each other on campus. i think i saw her once or twice in the beginning, but i never saw her after that. towards the end of that first semester, she somehow got my number and started texting me about classes and junk for spring semester. long story short, we ended up in one of the longer classes together. (and when i say longer, i mean it was...long.) yeah, you can most definitely say that we spent a lot of time together. throughout that spring semester, she started becoming a lot more open about herself to me. she told me EVERYTHING that was going on with her life. at some points, i became overwhelmed with what she told me because they were so...deep. one time, she told me something that only her family knows about her. when she first told me this, I was surprised. I said to myself, "woah, she must really trust me for telling me this." then she went on and on about it, and she felt so comfortable about it. it was like she wasn't holding back anything. I'm really grateful that she can trust me that way though. We've only started talking this casually for a few months. Oh wait, I didn't tell you what I told her. I think the deepest thing that I told her about me was that I'm addicted to the Internet. People may think that I'm just being silly, but it's actually a harmful addiction. Anyways, she accepted it....Actually, she already knew without me telling her. :P that shows she pays attention to what I'm doing a lot during class. Oh yeah! She also technically, was the one who urged me so much to get my driver's liscense. Yeah, I got my liscense because of her. She better be proud. Lol
I guess my moral to this session is that there's more to people than meets the eye. When it comes to me and my friend, we hardly knew each other before we started talking casually. All I knew of her before was that she was the girl that every guy seemed to have a crush on, the dancer... I was just this average person who happened to be in the same classes she was in during senior year. You wouldn't have expected us to be friends during that time.You know, back in senior year the only thing we talked about was homework or tests or what time FANTASTICS practice was going to be on a Friday. Look at us now. We talk
about everything besides school. Playing back all those moments we had a few months ago during spring semester, it really shows that we're closer than you can ever imagine. We're so close, that we can pass off as relatives of some sort with everything we've shared. I guess it's true that two people that look like they have nothing in common can actually be really close friends. Hope the trust and bonding with stay like this.
soul4soulcv.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
"i can't believe i ever had feelings for you."
yes, yes. i don't know about you, but there's always gonna be that person or persons that you had feelings for at one point in your life. and when you look back on it, you're gonna say, "man, i can't believe i actually had feelings for that person!" like many, i'm one of those people. there aren't that many people that i had feelings for, but when i did...shoot, i was crazy over them. not that crazy, but you get what i'm trying to say. here's one story that i'd like to share about my experience with this...debacle. i won't mention names.
person number 1: this was the one person that i fell the hardest for, just so you know. i never realized i had feelings for this person at first. i just saw them as, "my friend's cousin." but then, i noticed something different one day i saw him. he looked...better looking than the rest of the ones at our age. i just said to myself, "whatever" and just let it go.
a few months later, this person show up at my middle school. surprise! he just transferred! lovely, right? i remember seeing this person at break, looking extremely lost. no one knew who he was, so being the friendly person that i am, i went up to this person to say hi. he smiled and said hi back, and that was that.
a semester went by, this person has a girlfriend. again, how lovely is that? at that point, i don't know what came over me. i was...jealous. probably a week or two later, they break up...VICTORY right? not so much. i failed to mention that the girl was one of my friends. i never really got the full story about what happened, but it didn't matter.
it was the time of the year where we all received different elective classes. after pulling a few strings, i was able to get the plushiest elective of them all: TA for my algebra teacher. having that elective was like killing two birds with one stone. #1, it was an instant A for just passing out handouts, filing, and grading assignments, #2, i had the class (algebra) as my last class, so i was able to do the notes and get a head start on homework beforehand. how plush can it get? well, here's another surprise: the class that i was TA for...yeah, HE was in that class. i said to myself, "oh...SHOOT!!!" i was happy and kinda iffy at the same time. again, i failed to mention he got a new girlfriend. didn't know much about her...only that i sat next to her in english. anyways, the first few weeks were alright. we said hi to each other during my TA period, when we passed each other in the quad...good times. what made us closer were the small moments during my TA period. i remember i was cleaning transparencies during their lecture, and then he randomly came up to the sink to "wash his hands," and started splashing me with the water! another moment was when i was trying to get papers off the wall that my teacher stapled. i couldn't reach it, so he did it for me. last but not least, the one moment that i had with him (maybe a few actually) was...the poking. my, oh my. that guy loved to surprise me with that. i would be sitting at my desk, grading papers before the lecture started, and he would sneak attack on me to make me jump out of my seat. i think i only jumped off my seat once because of his surprise poke attacks...i don't know, i wouldn't really call this "flirting," since he had a girlfriend at the time. i'll just call it "being friendly." well, overall that was when my feelings for this person took off on a high.
high school, was a different story. i hardly saw him around campus, but when i did, we were able to say hi to each other. but it didn't feel the same as it was just a few months ago. although there was this one instance where he had a big smile on his face when he said hi to me, so that made me happy that day. anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend, (again, i don't know how or why. i just found out through myspace.) so there was a little gleam of hope. i still had a lot of feelings for him too. one day, something changed about him. it wasn't the group of friends he hung out with, it wasn't the way he dressed or looked. there was just something...off. i saw him walking to his 3rd period class, while i was walking the opposite direction. i ditched my group of friends that i usually walked with just to see him, say hi, and do a little something else (no, not flirt). so, i did what i wanted to do. i did what he used to do to me. when i was in his blind spot, i went up to him and poked him softly. i looked at him waiting for a response. all i got from was a surprised look, and a "oh, hi" reply. i was...disappointed. but i couldn't really complain. i can't remember all the details of this year, but all i do remember was that i stopped having feelings for him. and frankly, i'm glad i stopped having feelings for him during that time.
why exactly? i'll tell you, he changed. he wasn't the same person he was back in middle school. now that high school is over, i can say that during those 4 years,
he. was. a. jerk. to me, no. to other people, yes. i can't believe he changed like that. he was this nice guy who was so laid back. during high school, wow...especially junior year. oh my goodness. i had him in 3 out of 6 classes. he was rude to the teachers, mean to the kids around us...he made me so angry. there was only one time where he wasn't such a jerk, and that was when we had a photo project to do together. that was the only time where i saw that nice guy i met back in middle school. but after that, it was back to his jerk-y self. what else can he do to make me happy that i stopped having feelings for him? last but not least, he drinks...every. single. weekend. at least, he did during that time. but still, he disappointed me.
presently, he was suppose to go to the college that i'm attending right now. but i guess he screwed up so much during high school, he ended up in a community college somewhere.
if you're wondering if i still talk to this guy, i don't. well, that's because i don't see him as often as i used to. the only connection i have with him is with his sister, who it the complete opposite of him, and i talk to every other day. she's like a younger sister to me, so i keep an eye out on her once in awhile. if you're wondering if i want to talk to this guy, maybe. the last i saw him, he looked like he changed for the good. but then again, it just LOOKS like he changed. it's takes more than looks to change a person.
are you wondering if there's anyone i have feelings for at the moment? well, i can tell you that i'm just living my life. i don't want anything to do with relationships right now. i can say that i had my feelings torn in two a little too many times before, and one of those times was not too long ago. i have time to be in a relationship, don't worry. but right now, i'm loving being drama free and not worrying about who is with who or who's talking to who.
what's my moral, you may ask? well, it's just as the title implies. there's always gonna be that one person that you had feelings for in the past. when you look back on it, you say "what the heck was i thinking?!" even though it may seem bad, it's good to look back on that person you had feelings for, and have a good laugh about it once in awhile. but that moment shouldn't be just to laugh at. take that moment as a blessing in disguise. it shows you the people that you SHOULDN'T go after.
soul4soulcv
person number 1: this was the one person that i fell the hardest for, just so you know. i never realized i had feelings for this person at first. i just saw them as, "my friend's cousin." but then, i noticed something different one day i saw him. he looked...better looking than the rest of the ones at our age. i just said to myself, "whatever" and just let it go.
a few months later, this person show up at my middle school. surprise! he just transferred! lovely, right? i remember seeing this person at break, looking extremely lost. no one knew who he was, so being the friendly person that i am, i went up to this person to say hi. he smiled and said hi back, and that was that.
a semester went by, this person has a girlfriend. again, how lovely is that? at that point, i don't know what came over me. i was...jealous. probably a week or two later, they break up...VICTORY right? not so much. i failed to mention that the girl was one of my friends. i never really got the full story about what happened, but it didn't matter.
it was the time of the year where we all received different elective classes. after pulling a few strings, i was able to get the plushiest elective of them all: TA for my algebra teacher. having that elective was like killing two birds with one stone. #1, it was an instant A for just passing out handouts, filing, and grading assignments, #2, i had the class (algebra) as my last class, so i was able to do the notes and get a head start on homework beforehand. how plush can it get? well, here's another surprise: the class that i was TA for...yeah, HE was in that class. i said to myself, "oh...SHOOT!!!" i was happy and kinda iffy at the same time. again, i failed to mention he got a new girlfriend. didn't know much about her...only that i sat next to her in english. anyways, the first few weeks were alright. we said hi to each other during my TA period, when we passed each other in the quad...good times. what made us closer were the small moments during my TA period. i remember i was cleaning transparencies during their lecture, and then he randomly came up to the sink to "wash his hands," and started splashing me with the water! another moment was when i was trying to get papers off the wall that my teacher stapled. i couldn't reach it, so he did it for me. last but not least, the one moment that i had with him (maybe a few actually) was...the poking. my, oh my. that guy loved to surprise me with that. i would be sitting at my desk, grading papers before the lecture started, and he would sneak attack on me to make me jump out of my seat. i think i only jumped off my seat once because of his surprise poke attacks...i don't know, i wouldn't really call this "flirting," since he had a girlfriend at the time. i'll just call it "being friendly." well, overall that was when my feelings for this person took off on a high.
high school, was a different story. i hardly saw him around campus, but when i did, we were able to say hi to each other. but it didn't feel the same as it was just a few months ago. although there was this one instance where he had a big smile on his face when he said hi to me, so that made me happy that day. anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend, (again, i don't know how or why. i just found out through myspace.) so there was a little gleam of hope. i still had a lot of feelings for him too. one day, something changed about him. it wasn't the group of friends he hung out with, it wasn't the way he dressed or looked. there was just something...off. i saw him walking to his 3rd period class, while i was walking the opposite direction. i ditched my group of friends that i usually walked with just to see him, say hi, and do a little something else (no, not flirt). so, i did what i wanted to do. i did what he used to do to me. when i was in his blind spot, i went up to him and poked him softly. i looked at him waiting for a response. all i got from was a surprised look, and a "oh, hi" reply. i was...disappointed. but i couldn't really complain. i can't remember all the details of this year, but all i do remember was that i stopped having feelings for him. and frankly, i'm glad i stopped having feelings for him during that time.
why exactly? i'll tell you, he changed. he wasn't the same person he was back in middle school. now that high school is over, i can say that during those 4 years,
he. was. a. jerk. to me, no. to other people, yes. i can't believe he changed like that. he was this nice guy who was so laid back. during high school, wow...especially junior year. oh my goodness. i had him in 3 out of 6 classes. he was rude to the teachers, mean to the kids around us...he made me so angry. there was only one time where he wasn't such a jerk, and that was when we had a photo project to do together. that was the only time where i saw that nice guy i met back in middle school. but after that, it was back to his jerk-y self. what else can he do to make me happy that i stopped having feelings for him? last but not least, he drinks...every. single. weekend. at least, he did during that time. but still, he disappointed me.
presently, he was suppose to go to the college that i'm attending right now. but i guess he screwed up so much during high school, he ended up in a community college somewhere.
if you're wondering if i still talk to this guy, i don't. well, that's because i don't see him as often as i used to. the only connection i have with him is with his sister, who it the complete opposite of him, and i talk to every other day. she's like a younger sister to me, so i keep an eye out on her once in awhile. if you're wondering if i want to talk to this guy, maybe. the last i saw him, he looked like he changed for the good. but then again, it just LOOKS like he changed. it's takes more than looks to change a person.
are you wondering if there's anyone i have feelings for at the moment? well, i can tell you that i'm just living my life. i don't want anything to do with relationships right now. i can say that i had my feelings torn in two a little too many times before, and one of those times was not too long ago. i have time to be in a relationship, don't worry. but right now, i'm loving being drama free and not worrying about who is with who or who's talking to who.
what's my moral, you may ask? well, it's just as the title implies. there's always gonna be that one person that you had feelings for in the past. when you look back on it, you say "what the heck was i thinking?!" even though it may seem bad, it's good to look back on that person you had feelings for, and have a good laugh about it once in awhile. but that moment shouldn't be just to laugh at. take that moment as a blessing in disguise. it shows you the people that you SHOULDN'T go after.
soul4soulcv
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