yes, yes. i don't know about you, but there's always gonna be that person or persons that you had feelings for at one point in your life. and when you look back on it, you're gonna say, "man, i can't believe i actually had feelings for that person!" like many, i'm one of those people. there aren't that many people that i had feelings for, but when i did...shoot, i was crazy over them. not that crazy, but you get what i'm trying to say. here's one story that i'd like to share about my experience with this...debacle. i won't mention names.
person number 1: this was the one person that i fell the hardest for, just so you know. i never realized i had feelings for this person at first. i just saw them as, "my friend's cousin." but then, i noticed something different one day i saw him. he looked...better looking than the rest of the ones at our age. i just said to myself, "whatever" and just let it go.
a few months later, this person show up at my middle school. surprise! he just transferred! lovely, right? i remember seeing this person at break, looking extremely lost. no one knew who he was, so being the friendly person that i am, i went up to this person to say hi. he smiled and said hi back, and that was that.
a semester went by, this person has a girlfriend. again, how lovely is that? at that point, i don't know what came over me. i was...jealous. probably a week or two later, they break up...VICTORY right? not so much. i failed to mention that the girl was one of my friends. i never really got the full story about what happened, but it didn't matter.
it was the time of the year where we all received different elective classes. after pulling a few strings, i was able to get the plushiest elective of them all: TA for my algebra teacher. having that elective was like killing two birds with one stone. #1, it was an instant A for just passing out handouts, filing, and grading assignments, #2, i had the class (algebra) as my last class, so i was able to do the notes and get a head start on homework beforehand. how plush can it get? well, here's another surprise: the class that i was TA for...yeah, HE was in that class. i said to myself, "oh...SHOOT!!!" i was happy and kinda iffy at the same time. again, i failed to mention he got a new girlfriend. didn't know much about her...only that i sat next to her in english. anyways, the first few weeks were alright. we said hi to each other during my TA period, when we passed each other in the quad...good times. what made us closer were the small moments during my TA period. i remember i was cleaning transparencies during their lecture, and then he randomly came up to the sink to "wash his hands," and started splashing me with the water! another moment was when i was trying to get papers off the wall that my teacher stapled. i couldn't reach it, so he did it for me. last but not least, the one moment that i had with him (maybe a few actually) was...the poking. my, oh my. that guy loved to surprise me with that. i would be sitting at my desk, grading papers before the lecture started, and he would sneak attack on me to make me jump out of my seat. i think i only jumped off my seat once because of his surprise poke attacks...i don't know, i wouldn't really call this "flirting," since he had a girlfriend at the time. i'll just call it "being friendly." well, overall that was when my feelings for this person took off on a high.
high school, was a different story. i hardly saw him around campus, but when i did, we were able to say hi to each other. but it didn't feel the same as it was just a few months ago. although there was this one instance where he had a big smile on his face when he said hi to me, so that made me happy that day. anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend, (again, i don't know how or why. i just found out through myspace.) so there was a little gleam of hope. i still had a lot of feelings for him too. one day, something changed about him. it wasn't the group of friends he hung out with, it wasn't the way he dressed or looked. there was just something...off. i saw him walking to his 3rd period class, while i was walking the opposite direction. i ditched my group of friends that i usually walked with just to see him, say hi, and do a little something else (no, not flirt). so, i did what i wanted to do. i did what he used to do to me. when i was in his blind spot, i went up to him and poked him softly. i looked at him waiting for a response. all i got from was a surprised look, and a "oh, hi" reply. i was...disappointed. but i couldn't really complain. i can't remember all the details of this year, but all i do remember was that i stopped having feelings for him. and frankly, i'm glad i stopped having feelings for him during that time.
why exactly? i'll tell you, he changed. he wasn't the same person he was back in middle school. now that high school is over, i can say that during those 4 years,
he. was. a. jerk. to me, no. to other people, yes. i can't believe he changed like that. he was this nice guy who was so laid back. during high school, wow...especially junior year. oh my goodness. i had him in 3 out of 6 classes. he was rude to the teachers, mean to the kids around us...he made me so angry. there was only one time where he wasn't such a jerk, and that was when we had a photo project to do together. that was the only time where i saw that nice guy i met back in middle school. but after that, it was back to his jerk-y self. what else can he do to make me happy that i stopped having feelings for him? last but not least, he drinks...every. single. weekend. at least, he did during that time. but still, he disappointed me.
presently, he was suppose to go to the college that i'm attending right now. but i guess he screwed up so much during high school, he ended up in a community college somewhere.
if you're wondering if i still talk to this guy, i don't. well, that's because i don't see him as often as i used to. the only connection i have with him is with his sister, who it the complete opposite of him, and i talk to every other day. she's like a younger sister to me, so i keep an eye out on her once in awhile. if you're wondering if i want to talk to this guy, maybe. the last i saw him, he looked like he changed for the good. but then again, it just LOOKS like he changed. it's takes more than looks to change a person.
are you wondering if there's anyone i have feelings for at the moment? well, i can tell you that i'm just living my life. i don't want anything to do with relationships right now. i can say that i had my feelings torn in two a little too many times before, and one of those times was not too long ago. i have time to be in a relationship, don't worry. but right now, i'm loving being drama free and not worrying about who is with who or who's talking to who.
what's my moral, you may ask? well, it's just as the title implies. there's always gonna be that one person that you had feelings for in the past. when you look back on it, you say "what the heck was i thinking?!" even though it may seem bad, it's good to look back on that person you had feelings for, and have a good laugh about it once in awhile. but that moment shouldn't be just to laugh at. take that moment as a blessing in disguise. it shows you the people that you SHOULDN'T go after.
soul4soulcv
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