Friday, August 6, 2010

Playing Back The Moments, and I'm starting to believe.

picture this:
-you're in high school, a junior.
-an average student, grade-wise.
-not exactly "popular," but you know most of your class, and they know you.

i pretty much described myself. i really don't know where i wanted to go with this...oh wait, now i do...silly me.

you see, i'm not that sociable when it comes to meeting new people. it may seem like it's not true, but it is. i'm fine when i meet new people over the internet, because i'm behind a screen. (no creeper intended) i find it a lot easier to talk over facebook comments, tumblr reblogs, text messages, etc. because i'm typing what i need to say. when i meet someone face to face, i feel like i'm limited to what i'm saying. i never thought i would meet and become friends with so many people when i was in high school. and i'm actually surprised that i befriended some people that i would never have expected to be friends with, especially when it came to...what's the word..."popular" kids.

in my high school, it was hard to see who were the popular ones or not, because we (my class, 09) all hung out in the same general area, that broke up into small groups. it's not like in the movies, where the popular clique would be at one table, while the other cliques basked in their "awesome-ness" all around them. (where is THAT a reference from?) my school didn't have a specific group of popular kids. they were all spread out amongst the small groups. since high school is over for me, i can finally talk about this freely.

since my freshman year, i've known this one person. she was one of those "popular" kids that i speak of. we never really spoke to each other till our senior year, but we knew of each other before then...thanks to things like homecoming, FANTASTICS...my group of friends knew that i knew her, but what they DIDN'T know is that throughout this year, we became, somewhat closer than we were in high school. no, no! i don't mean in a relationship type thing like that. (i already cleared that up in my last post) i mean, as the year went by, i knew more about this person and this person knew more about me. like that...get it? :)

currently, we go to the same college, and we have the same major...the dreaded Nursing major every filipino has. no, we didn't plan it. i actually had no idea she even applied to State. she was smart enough to get into a UC, and she seemed like the type to get out of san jose for college. well yeah, things happen i guess.

for my first semester, we barely saw each other on campus. i think i saw her once or twice in the beginning, but i never saw her after that. towards the end of that first semester, she somehow got my number and started texting me about classes and junk for spring semester. long story short, we ended up in one of the longer classes together. (and when i say longer, i mean it was...long.) yeah, you can most definitely say that we spent a lot of time together. throughout that spring semester, she started becoming a lot more open about herself to me. she told me EVERYTHING that was going on with her life. at some points, i became overwhelmed with what she told me because they were so...deep. one time, she told me something that only her family knows about her. when she first told me this, I was surprised. I said to myself, "woah, she must really trust me for telling me this." then she went on and on about it, and she felt so comfortable about it. it was like she wasn't holding back anything. I'm really grateful that she can trust me that way though. We've only started talking this casually for a few months. Oh wait, I didn't tell you what I told her. I think the deepest thing that I told her about me was that I'm addicted to the Internet. People may think that I'm just being silly, but it's actually a harmful addiction. Anyways, she accepted it....Actually, she already knew without me telling her. :P that shows she pays attention to what I'm doing a lot during class. Oh yeah! She also technically, was the one who urged me so much to get my driver's liscense. Yeah, I got my liscense because of her. She better be proud. Lol

I guess my moral to this session is that there's more to people than meets the eye. When it comes to me and my friend, we hardly knew each other before we started talking casually. All I knew of her before was that she was the girl that every guy seemed to have a crush on, the dancer... I was just this average person who happened to be in the same classes she was in during senior year. You wouldn't have expected us to be friends during that time.You know, back in senior year the only thing we talked about was homework or tests or what time FANTASTICS practice was going to be on a Friday. Look at us now. We talk
about everything besides school. Playing back all those moments we had a few months ago during spring semester, it really shows that we're closer than you can ever imagine. We're so close, that we can pass off as relatives of some sort with everything we've shared. I guess it's true that two people that look like they have nothing in common can actually be really close friends. Hope the trust and bonding with stay like this.

soul4soulcv.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

"i can't believe i ever had feelings for you."

yes, yes. i don't know about you, but there's always gonna be that person or persons that you had feelings for at one point in your life. and when you look back on it, you're gonna say, "man, i can't believe i actually had feelings for that person!" like many, i'm one of those people. there aren't that many people that i had feelings for, but when i did...shoot, i was crazy over them. not that crazy, but you get what i'm trying to say. here's one story that i'd like to share about my experience with this...debacle. i won't mention names.

person number 1: this was the one person that i fell the hardest for, just so you know. i never realized i had feelings for this person at first. i just saw them as, "my friend's cousin." but then, i noticed something different one day i saw him. he looked...better looking than the rest of the ones at our age. i just said to myself, "whatever" and just let it go.

a few months later, this person show up at my middle school. surprise! he just transferred! lovely, right? i remember seeing this person at break, looking extremely lost. no one knew who he was, so being the friendly person that i am, i went up to this person to say hi. he smiled and said hi back, and that was that.

a semester went by, this person has a girlfriend. again, how lovely is that? at that point, i don't know what came over me. i was...jealous. probably a week or two later, they break up...VICTORY right? not so much. i failed to mention that the girl was one of my friends. i never really got the full story about what happened, but it didn't matter.

it was the time of the year where we all received different elective classes. after pulling a few strings, i was able to get the plushiest elective of them all: TA for my algebra teacher. having that elective was like killing two birds with one stone. #1, it was an instant A for just passing out handouts, filing, and grading assignments, #2, i had the class (algebra) as my last class, so i was able to do the notes and get a head start on homework beforehand. how plush can it get? well, here's another surprise: the class that i was TA for...yeah, HE was in that class. i said to myself, "oh...SHOOT!!!" i was happy and kinda iffy at the same time. again, i failed to mention he got a new girlfriend. didn't know much about her...only that i sat next to her in english. anyways, the first few weeks were alright. we said hi to each other during my TA period, when we passed each other in the quad...good times. what made us closer were the small moments during my TA period. i remember i was cleaning transparencies during their lecture, and then he randomly came up to the sink to "wash his hands," and started splashing me with the water! another moment was when i was trying to get papers off the wall that my teacher stapled. i couldn't reach it, so he did it for me. last but not least, the one moment that i had with him (maybe a few actually) was...the poking. my, oh my. that guy loved to surprise me with that. i would be sitting at my desk, grading papers before the lecture started, and he would sneak attack on me to make me jump out of my seat. i think i only jumped off my seat once because of his surprise poke attacks...i don't know, i wouldn't really call this "flirting," since he had a girlfriend at the time. i'll just call it "being friendly." well, overall that was when my feelings for this person took off on a high.

high school, was a different story. i hardly saw him around campus, but when i did, we were able to say hi to each other. but it didn't feel the same as it was just a few months ago. although there was this one instance where he had a big smile on his face when he said hi to me, so that made me happy that day. anyways, he broke up with his girlfriend, (again, i don't know how or why. i just found out through myspace.) so there was a little gleam of hope. i still had a lot of feelings for him too. one day, something changed about him. it wasn't the group of friends he hung out with, it wasn't the way he dressed or looked. there was just something...off. i saw him walking to his 3rd period class, while i was walking the opposite direction. i ditched my group of friends that i usually walked with just to see him, say hi, and do a little something else (no, not flirt). so, i did what i wanted to do. i did what he used to do to me. when i was in his blind spot, i went up to him and poked him softly. i looked at him waiting for a response. all i got from was a surprised look, and a "oh, hi" reply. i was...disappointed. but i couldn't really complain. i can't remember all the details of this year, but all i do remember was that i stopped having feelings for him. and frankly, i'm glad i stopped having feelings for him during that time.

why exactly? i'll tell you, he changed. he wasn't the same person he was back in middle school. now that high school is over, i can say that during those 4 years,

he. was. a. jerk. to me, no. to other people, yes. i can't believe he changed like that. he was this nice guy who was so laid back. during high school, wow...especially junior year. oh my goodness. i had him in 3 out of 6 classes. he was rude to the teachers, mean to the kids around us...he made me so angry. there was only one time where he wasn't such a jerk, and that was when we had a photo project to do together. that was the only time where i saw that nice guy i met back in middle school. but after that, it was back to his jerk-y self. what else can he do to make me happy that i stopped having feelings for him? last but not least, he drinks...every. single. weekend. at least, he did during that time. but still, he disappointed me.

presently, he was suppose to go to the college that i'm attending right now. but i guess he screwed up so much during high school, he ended up in a community college somewhere.

if you're wondering if i still talk to this guy, i don't. well, that's because i don't see him as often as i used to. the only connection i have with him is with his sister, who it the complete opposite of him, and i talk to every other day. she's like a younger sister to me, so i keep an eye out on her once in awhile. if you're wondering if i want to talk to this guy, maybe. the last i saw him, he looked like he changed for the good. but then again, it just LOOKS like he changed. it's takes more than looks to change a person.

are you wondering if there's anyone i have feelings for at the moment? well, i can tell you that i'm just living my life. i don't want anything to do with relationships right now. i can say that i had my feelings torn in two a little too many times before, and one of those times was not too long ago. i have time to be in a relationship, don't worry. but right now, i'm loving being drama free and not worrying about who is with who or who's talking to who.

what's my moral, you may ask? well, it's just as the title implies. there's always gonna be that one person that you had feelings for in the past. when you look back on it, you say "what the heck was i thinking?!" even though it may seem bad, it's good to look back on that person you had feelings for, and have a good laugh about it once in awhile. but that moment shouldn't be just to laugh at. take that moment as a blessing in disguise. it shows you the people that you SHOULDN'T go after.

soul4soulcv

Saturday, July 31, 2010

writer's block.

it's one thing to get writer's block when you're trying to write a formal essay for a class. it's another thing to get it when you're trying to write a song. but have you ever got it when you are trying to find something to say to that one special person?

no, no...i'm not talking about finding the right words to say to the person in order for them to notice you.

think about this scenario: you've talked to that person numerous times before, you connected, and all of a sudden that connection just stopped. when you see that person, you can't even start up a conversation anymore...

have you grown tired of that person? have you connected enough? maybe you just ran out of words to say to them. so what do you do at that point? do you try to keep going, hoping that you'll find something in common again on the way...or just simply throw in the towel and not try anymore.

it's your call if you want to take the easy way and just forget about that person, but don't you remember how you felt when you first met that person? that feeling of ecstacy when they were around you, the way their voice sounded when they talked, their...everything really. THAT should be the motivation to find something to connect with them again. don't give up because of one minor fault.

actions do speak louder than words. if you forget them and stop hanging around that person, then that person will get the impression that you don't want anything to do with them anymore. sticking with that person even though you have nothing to say is better than leaving them, vulnerable for other people to make a move.

if you ever find that you run out of words to say, stay cool, calm, collected. the words will come to you when they will. the awkward silences you may have with that person is better than having no moments with them at all.

soul4soulcv.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

acception

ok, it's obvious that tumblr didn't burst into flames. but i'm definitely having writer's block over in that section of my life, so i'm using this to write what's on my mind. bear with me on this.

it's true that we all have our own opinions on certain things, and sometimes we try to convince others that our views are what's right. although, most of the time the people who we try to convince reject what we have to say and keep their views. why do people reject others' views on things? is it that they're overwhelmed with what they have heard from you? maybe it's because they were taught that your views are completely wrong? whatever the reason might be, we're left with the question: "who's right? me or the one we are trying to convince?"

let me take this into a religious perspective, since that's what this is mainly about for me. for the past few years, i've (as well as many others) have been asked to invite people to listen to a bible study lesson in the church i go to. unfortunately, i wasn't able to successfully invite and bring someone to listen to the lessons as of yet. although, i did have friends from school that were invited to listen to the lesson, which was very surprising. after they heard the lesson, i asked one of my friends that attended, "so what did you think of the lesson." his reply was, "umm, i thought it was ok. i mean, i think it was a little bit over exaggerated..." i wasn't shocked at his answer, since i knew it was his first time in attending, and the fact that his religious views is agnostic. a few weeks later, there was another bible study that we were asked to invite. the first person i thought of was my friend who attended the first time. i asked, and he said no. i asked him why, and he said his mom doesn't like the church that i go to. this time, i was shocked.

here's another example that happened recently. on the 27th (tuesday), we celebrated INC Day, where we had this huge bible study with a dozen different locales. again, we were asked to bring people. this time, i technically did have a guest, but he was working inside the arena. he was listening to the lesson anyway as he worked. anyways, this wasn't about my guest. this incident (if you can call it that) happened hours after the event was over. being me, i posted a picture of the banner on the stage, which said "INC Day," and under it, i captioned it as, "the ending to a very enlightening day." a few minutes later, a person, who i had no idea who they were, reblogged it saying, "i'm laughing at the irony of the caption." (something along those lines.) at first, i was saying to myself, "ok...rude much?" and i just left it there. the next day, i got a text from my friend from hayward. she basically texted me apologizing because it was her friend that reblogged and said that rude comment. she also told me that he really doesn't believe in religion, and they got in a fight over it. i told her it was alright, and i didn't mind. quite frankly, that's when it hit me...

so, who is right? you or the person you're trying to convince?

here's the answer:

we can talk to people about our views on things, but most of the time they won't agree just because...well, whatever their mindset is. it's not our fault that the person we are trying to convince won't accept. if they don't accept, just let it go. if it wasn't meant to be, it's not meant to be, whether it be about religion or clothing brands. the best thing we can do is accept their opinions and their choices and be open. don't get mad at them. who knows, maybe there will come a time where that person will come around and accept your views too.

soul4soulcv.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

hi, remember me?

well, i decided to blog here as a change. if you haven't been following me since my last post, i've been on tumblr for the past year or so. but maybe some of you may have heard what might go down tomorrow, so i feel like venting about the situation. (i highly doubt anyone's gonna read this, but whatever. it's just for a log) well, some immature 11 year old posted some videos on youtube...being hella stupid. one of the videos she posted was to "all her haters." ok girl, first of all, EVERYONE HAS HATERS. IF YOU DON'T HAVE HATERS, THEN YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. who gives a flying care if you have haters?! move on with your life kid! second of all, YOU'RE 11 YEARS OLD!! why the heck are you on the computer, recording videos of yourself cursing and posting pictures of yourself? whatever. well, this girl will be on good morning america tomorrow...if she mentions something about tumblr...all the tumblr users will be affected. the media will investigate about the matter, and the least they can do to the site is to ban all those risque posts. the WORST they can do is shut down tumblr. i really don't want that to happen. i've met a good handful of people that i've grown to love on there. well, if something really does happen tomorrow, then i still have this. something that i can just vent on, and only a few people can read it. the one thing i liked about blogspot is that i can write about almost anything...my feelings, what i've been through, etc...and people won't understand what i'm talking about, except me. as for tumblr, i can write about something...and everyone can see it. well, that's all i gotta say right now...wow, it's only been a few minutes and i have this much to talk about. i must be really aggravated. x] laters.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

i haven't really updated here lately. my bads...i post here more. mainly because it's seems to be easier

http://soul4soulcv.tumblr.com/
http://soul4soulcv.tumblr.com/
http://soul4soulcv.tumblr.com/

follow it up and what not.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

"THIS is why FSU is so awesome." -jc

because you can get this out of it :P
ok, story time...so yesterday after the quad performance, tad did something totally, well, i guess you can say spontaneous to an extent. he went to the center of the quad with bianca, while the rest of us (FSU) crowded around them, you know, because we're all family and we need to be informed about things lol... and long story short, he said to her, "bianca, after we've been talking for the past 2 months, i've realized...that i've fallen in love with you." * insert lots of awws from FSU here* he takes his BOTT shirt off and shows her his shirt that he was working on for her, and says, "bianca, will you be my girlfriend?" *bianca starts tearing up* and i think you can get the picture here. awww, i just love these 2 <3 so innocent, young, and not to mention down right adorable. ^_^ all i gotta say to them is...FINALLY!!! i've been waiting for that moment for awhile now hahaha now, i'm gonna hold it over them till the last day of school ;D

finally brought my camera to school...on thursday x]


physio...after a quiz. kinda trippy x]


my favorite song at the moment


dorks :P


chipmunk!!! xD


carly was hilarious when she was doing this


tad's shirt he wore for bianca...still in the process =)


FAIL shot on my part. my eyes are failing me at that point haha more of tad and jozielyn working on the shirts.


"chynna, take a picture of the donkey kong drums!!" lol